Почему больше женщин-лидеров это хорошо для всех

Авторский перевод с английского, оригинал здесь.

Весной 2026 года две женщины решили станцевать танду на одной из самых традиционных милонг Буэнос-Айреса. Организатор, известный своими жёсткими правилами, привычкой раздавать «красные» и «жёлтые» карточки нарушителям и упором на традиционные гендерные роли, сделал женщинам выговор, а потом полез к ним с кулаками. Несколько ассоциаций профессионалов танго в Аргентине и за её пределами уже осудили его поведение как гендерную дискриминацию. Для многих этот инцидент был абсурдным отголоском прошлого. Большинство уже привыкли к тому, что роли больше не так жестко определяются по гендерному признаку. Так как колесо истории вряд ли удастся повернуть вспять, я хочу в этой статье, моей первой после пандемии (да!), наглядно объяснить, почему больше женщин-лидеров в танго это на самом деле очень хорошо для всего сообщества.

Если вы танцуете социальное танго в течение нескольких лет, и особенно если вы уже пробовали себя в организации мероприятий, преподавании или управлении студией танго, то в какой-то момент вы скорее всего остро осознали, что экономика нашего прекрасного мира танго держится прежде всего на доступности и поведении мужчин-лидеров. Танго – мужской мир, потому, что в большинстве сообществ, за редкими счастливыми исключениями, женщин значительно больше, чем мужчин. Поэтому для успеха любого танго-мероприятия необходимо достаточное количество мужчин-лидеров, готовых в нём участвовать, иначе ничего не получится. Это создаёт динамику, при которой женщины-фолловеры в гораздо большей степени зависят от мужчин-лидеров, желающих брать уроки, ходить на милонги, практиковаться и участвовать в специальных эвентах, нежели наоборот.

Гендерный дисбаланс наблюдается давно и почти везде, особенно в крупных городах вроде Парижа, где я живу. Когда женщин на каждого мужчину слишком много, женщины вынуждены конкурировать за статус хорошей партнерши, следить за внешностью и быть как можно более привлекательными. При этом у мужчин снижается мотивация, так как им не нужно добиваться желаемых партнёрш, и они всё меньше стремятся конкурировать друг с другом и совершенствоваться. Если большое количество женщин готовы с вами танцевать, лишь бы не просиживать часами за столиком, легко поддаться соблазну и вообразить, что это вы такой крутой.

Когда мужчин слишком мало, а женщин много, когда фолловеры совершенствуются благодаря жёсткой конкуренции, а лидеры не прогрессируют из-за отсутствия таковой, то эффект дисбаланса ощутим буквально во всех аспектах. На милонгах всё больше женщин не танцуют, некоторые из них разочаровываются и уходят. Мужчины, несмотря на очевидные привилегии, ощущают на себе постоянное давление со стороны сообщества, которое транслирует месседж, что танцевать лидеры должны как можно больше, также с партнёршами, которые их, возможно, не интересуют. Местные преподаватели с трудом заполняют занятия, потому что мужчины перестают учиться, как только получают доступ к фолловерам, которые им понравились. Нехватка лидеров на занятиях означает, что многие женщины не могут учиться и практиковаться. Людей, берущих уроки, становится все меньше, людей на практиках тоже, а общий уровень навыков в сообществе стагнирует, превращая регулярные милонги в один сплошной день сурка.

Какая-то часть разочарованных женщин бросает танго или тоже перестаёт учиться и развиваться, потому что ну, а какой смысл. Другие начинают агрессивно преследовать доступных лидеров, выводя жёсткую конкуренцию на новый уровень. Третьи втягиваются в токсичную спираль попыток превзойти всех остальных женщин по мастерству, возрасту и сексапилу. Мужчины, которые мотивированы учиться и в итоге становятся продвинутыми танцорами, обретают “звёздный” статус, когда становится ясно, что все хотят с ними танцевать. Это создаёт дисбаланс власти и окутывает их ореолом славы, которому мало какое мужское эго способно противостоять, не скатываясь в злоупотребления. В итоге токсичное поведение “звёзд” сходит им с рук, так как они защищены статусом «хорошего танцора» или «блестящего профессионала».

Ту же динамику можно наблюдать и на специальных эвентах. В ситуации серьёзного гендерного дисбаланса организаторы фестивалей с трудом заполняют мастер-классы и потому нередко приглашают одни и те же пары преподавателей, кумиров момента, в надежде, что их слава привлечёт учеников-мужчин. Однако звёздные пары обходятся дорого, поэтому становится ещё критичнее привлечь достаточное количество мужчин для заполнения мастер-классов, чтобы удовлетворить спрос большого количества мотивированных, но отчаявшихся женщин. На многих мероприятиях организаторы перекладывают ответственность за гендерный баланс на плечи самих женщин, требуя регистрации в паре с мужчиной (заметьте, не с «лидером»). Женщины без партнёра снова и снова оказываются в списках ожидания. Некоторые мероприятия пытаются выровнять гендерный баланс сами, что порождает ещё один интересный феномен: мужчин-лидеров, за которыми охотятся организаторы, чтобы заполнить квоту, предоставляя значительные скидки или вовсе бесплатно. Эти мужчины больше не регистрируются и не оплачивают мероприятия заранее, как все нормальные люди, а ждут до последней минуты, пока список ожидания партнёрш продолжает расти, чтобы затем появиться, аки рыцарь в сверкающих доспехах, и осчастливить всех своим присутствием.

Гендерный дисбаланс в пользу мужчин порождает у женщин, попавших в эту ситуацию, сильное разочарование, неуверенность в себе, самоуничижение и самоотвержение. Хочу подчеркнуть, что сам по себе дисбаланс не является виной мужчин-лидеров (они-то уже танцуют). Проблема в том, как дисбаланс влияет на социальный капитал и социальные вознаграждения каждого участника. С большой вероятностью мы наблюдали бы похожую ситуацию, если бы гендерный дисбаланс был в пользу женщин. Многие женщины говорили мне, что не выдерживают больше этого бесконечного ожидания кабесео в цветнике других женщин, всех как на подбор прекрасных, привлекательных и отлично танцующих. Всё еще хуже, когда вы женщина в возрасте. Я помню пост в социальных сетях одной парижской преподавательницы, посмевшей высказать грусть по поводу того, как мало мужчин записывается на уроки по сравнению с женщинами, которые продолжают учиться. Под постом было поразительное количество хейта в комментариях, в основном от мужчин.

В профессиональной сфере гендерный дисбаланс неявно, но очень тяжело отражается на танцовщицах. В то время как хороший танцор считается звездой, даже при небольшом опыте и весьма среднем уровне, превосходная профессиональная фолловер считается чем-то само собой разумеющимся, таким нас не удивить. Местные преподавательницы ведут школы, организуют мероприятия и мастер-классы, берут на себя всю неблагодарную работу по поддержанию жизни сообщества, ради того, чтобы какой-то приглашённый маэстро (как правило, из Аргентины) приехал, провёл уроки, получил гонорар и слился на следующее мероприятие, где другая женщина делает всё то же самое, но афишируется только как его «ассистентка». Женщины в творческих союзах прекрасно осознают, что в случае распада пары у мужчины будет огромный выбор превосходных фолловеров, тогда как они сами будут долго и с трудом искать нового партнёра на своем уровне. Чаще всего после разрыва мужчина продолжает блестящую карьеру без единой запинки, зачастую с гораздо более молодой и менее опытной партнёршей, тогда как карьера женщины рушится или ей приходится начинать с нуля. Иногда, чем опытнее вы как профессионал, тем меньше мужчины будут хотеть с вами работать, потому вы уже прошли через огонь, воду и медные трубы, знаете, что к чему, имеете собственное мнение и не склонны им жертвовать ради его мнимого превосходства.

Женщины в профессиональных парах нередко берут на себя бОльшую часть повторяющейся, скучной, но необходимой работы по поддержанию пары и «продукта», работы незаметной и неоплачиваемой. Сколько пар вы видели, в которых мужчина спокойно ведет урок на родном языке, а женщина переводит всё на понятный? Если вы заняты переводом, то у вас гораздо меньше времени самой что-то сказать. Это также означает, что вы служите партнёру, вместо того, чтобы быть с ним наравне. Сколько пар маэстро вы видели, в которых именно женщина ведёт всю переписку, фиксирует посещаемость, отвечает за коммуникацию, платежи и планирование, тогда как мужчина приходит блистать и развлекать в роли преподавателя? И это учитывая, что танцору-одиночке довольно легко работать в качестве гастролирующего преподавателя и артиста, тогда как для профессиональной танцовщицы это порой просто невозможно.

Всем моим сёстрам по цеху, преподавательницам, артисткам и организаторам, я хочу сказать: я вас вижу. Я вижу вашу боль. Плавали, знаем.

Возможно, вы сейчас подумали «Господи, опять феминистка до мужчин докопалась.” Ну так давайте посмотрим. А что же мужчины?

Мужчине-лидеру ситуация гендерного дисбаланса приносит определенные привилегии. Однако, как и при любом дисбалансе власти, за привилегированную позицию приходится платить. Первый важный аспект это потеря интереса к развитию танцевальных навыков, то есть вы просто забиваете на собственный потенциал. Конечно, в танго мы не обязаны всё время учиться и совершенствоваться. Танго можно наслаждаться и без этого. Но развитие навыков это особое удовольствие и особый смысл любой активности, и вы отказываетесь от этого потому, что вам не надо особо ни с кем конкурировать?

Другое коварное следствие дисбаланса состоит в том, что вы как лидер будете танцевать с партнёршами, которые вам нравятся, но которые танцуют с вами только чтобы не просиживать часами за столиком. Они вам об этом, конечно, не скажут. Они будут с вами дружелюбны. Они сделают всё, чтобы вы этого не заметили. Если вас устраивает согласие без особого желания, то окей. Но разве не приятнее, когда партнёрша тоже хочет станцевать танду именно с вами? И наконец, как я уже упоминала, все мужчины, а особенно хорошие танцоры, ощущают постоянно давление танцевать как можно больше и чтобы женщины не просиживали, а это лишает лидеров возможности выбирать. Если вы всё-таки выбираете, то вас запишут в снобы и эгоисты. А также будут смотреть с осуждением, если вы посмеете танцевать с мужчиной. Хотя мы все знаем, что умение следовать делает каждого лидера ещё лучшим лидером. А вдруг вам, мужчине, просто нравится следовать? Не дай бог!

Вот так во многих сообществах, особенно в Европе, в первые два десятилетия двадцать первого века танго было чем-то прекрасным, но полным страданий, особенно для женщин. А потом пришла пандемия.

Во время ковидных карантинов произошло несколько вещей. Пока танго было запрещено, многие обратились к онлайн-урокам, нередко в одиночку, как женщины, так и мужчины. Иногда это была просто отчаянная попытка удержаться за спасательный круг танго, когда весь мир неожиданно встал. Для некоторых это был первый в жизни урок танго-техники. Многие поняли, что развитие навыков это на самом деле невероятно круто и приносит удовлетворение. Когда милонги снова открылись, онлайн ученики вернулись в танго с обновлённой жаждой развития. Но главным тектоническим сдвигом стало то, что женщины начали практиковаться друг с другом, за неимением партнёров-мужчин, и учиться вести. Многие уже давно хотели попробовать, но до этого моменты все их силы и время уходили на поддержание статуса “приличной партнёрши”.

В Париже, пока милонги в помещениях были запрещены, мы ходили танцевать на летние открытые площадки и меня поразило, как много женщин практиковались друг с другом. Я и сама была одной из них. Я чувствовала, что происходит что-то важное. Как только снова стало можно снова вести уроки вживую, я начала давать мастер-классы «ведение для женщин», и они до сих пор пользуются стабильным успехом. Я знаю несколько других профессионалов в разных частях мира, которые тоже почувствовали этот сдвиг и начали предлагать занятия по ведению для женщин. В Париже у нас теперь есть коллектив «Лас Малевас», состоящий из четырёх преподавательниц (включая меня), который предлагает еженедельные занятия лидерства для женщин. Не поймите меня неправильно: женщины не начали водить на милонгах и брать уроки в роли лидера только после пандемии. Многие делали это и до этого. Мероприятия, посвящённые женщинам, и практики исключительно для женщин существовали кое-где и до пандемии. Но во многих сообществах именно после пандемии эти цифры резко возросли.

Произошло и ещё кое-что, что я бы назвала «скачком осознанности». Когда у нас в принудительном порядке отобрали танго, многие танцующие, в особенности женщины, стали обсуждать друг с другом, что им нравится и что не нравится в танго. И многие из них стали отказываться от идеи искать партнёра, чтобы им разрешили участвовать в марафоне или фестивале. Если мероприятие не допускало женщин-лидеров, или женщин, танцующих обе роли, или фолловеров-одиночек, то такие эвенты их больше не интересовали. Многим надоел сам принцип «найди себе мужчину, а потом наслаждайся танго». Вместо этого они стали строить танцевальные пары с другими женщинами.

Этот сдвиг быстро и заметно повлиял на экономику танго. Преподаватели начали продавать больше уроков. Местные школы стали охотнее учить обеим ролям с самого начала, что делает гендерный дисбаланс менее ощутимым, в том числе на занятиях с избытком мужчин. Теперь, когда смена ролей стала нормой, мужчины учатся и практикуются друг с другом, и это нормально. И хотя так, вероятно, было во многих школах ещё до пандемии, сегодня это становится повсеместной практикой.

Все крупные бренды обуви живо разработали и выставили на продажу так называемые «женские ботинки для практики»: симпатичные кожаные сапожки на низком каблуке, которые теперь можно заказать любого цвета и из любых материалов. Обратите внимание, что мы по-прежнему называем эту обувь “ботинки для практики”, хотя почти все женщины носят их на милонгах, как для ведения, так и для следования, а некоторые вообще окончательно отказались от каблуков. Тем не менее ведение для женщин в каком-то смысле всё ещё остаётся «практикой», а не настоящим танцем, правда? О, этот сладкий запашок скрытой мизогинии, витающий здесь и там, когда дело доходит до женщин. Почти все знакомые мне танцовщицы уже приобрели минимум одну пару симпатичных сапожек. Они отлично подходят и для ведения, и для следования, и в отличие от громоздких кроссовок элегантно смотрятся с юбками и платьями. А вы заметили, что брюки для женщин на милонгах снова в моде?

Когда женщины-фолловеры начинают вести, у них есть два преимущества. Первое: они привыкли работать и совершенствовать свои навыки и знают, что это в итоге окупается. Они готовы усердно учиться, посвящать время практике и танцевать как лидер на милонгах. Второе: все они пережили опыт плохой танды с лидером с низким уровнем навыков и не раз оказывались по ту сторону этого опыта. Поэтому они с самого начала хотят быть внимательными и комфортными лидерами. Женщинам также приходится бороться с немалым количеством стереотипов, типа «женщины не умеют соблюдать ронду» или «с женщиной все равно никогда не будет так хорошо, как с мужчиной». Чем лучше женщина-лидер, тем больше другие женщины хотят с ней танцевать, а это значит, что некоторые фолловеры уже не соглашаются на танды с мужчинами, с которыми они до этого танцевали без особого энтузиазма. Многие женщины мне говорят, что предпочитают танцевать с менее опытной, но внимательной и усердной женщиной-лидером, чем с некоторыми мужчинами.

Единственные, конечно, кто не рад всему вышеописанному, это мужчины, столкнувшиеся с конкуренцией, откуда не ждали.

Благодаря начинающим женщинам-лидерам и их желанию учиться, организаторам мероприятий легче заполнять мастер-классы на фестивалях. Эвенты вроде марафонов и энкуэнтро постепенно предоставляют возможность отделить гендер от роли, хотя это по-прежнему непросто, поскольку для таких эвентов гендерный баланс важен и на это есть веские причины. При регистрации на большинство марафонов теперь можно указать не только свой гендер, но и танцуете ли вы «преимущественно в роли фолловера», «преимущественно в роли лидера» или «обе роли в равной мере». И хотя квир-фестивали и мероприятия со сменой ролей существуют в мире уже более двух десятилетий, они теперь стали более популярными среди женщин (и некоторых мужчин), которые любят танцевать обе роли, но не идентифицируют себя как квир. Вот так освобождение женщин от груза несправедливой конкуренции освобождает нас всех. Мужчины теперь могут танцевать и практиковаться друг с другом, если захотят, и это явно меняет их опыт в танго к лучшему.

И наконец, профессиональные женские пары получают всё большее признание. Мне это хорошо известно, поскольку я сама работаю с замечательной женщиной-лидером Асей Моисеевой. Вы, вероятно, сможете назвать минимум одну-двух женщин-лидеров или женских пар, хотя в целом мужских пар в танго по-прежнему больше и они, как правило, более знамениты. Несмотря на вновь обретённый баланс, танго по-прежнему остро ориентировано на мужской образ и мужское мастерство. Хотя организаторы теперь охотнее приглашают женские пары, привлечь мужчин на мастер-класс женщины-лидера по-прежнему трудно. С другой стороны, когда организаторы добавляют женскую пару в программу, это привлекает женщин-лидеров, которые хотят именно у этой пары поучиться. Всё это вселяет оптимизм относительно будущего женских творческих союзов и что женщин профессионалов начнут воспринимать всерьёз. Организаторам я хочу сказать: как бы вы ни восхищались своими любимыми артистами-мужчинами, будьте уверены, что их партнёршам и женщинам-профессионалам в целом пришлось работать намного тяжелее и преодолеть гораздо больше препятствий, чтобы оказаться на той же высоте.

Несколько неожиданным результатом обращения женщин к ведению стало то, что многие из них, а особенно женщины зрелого возраста, обнаружили, что они прирождённые лидеры. И что на самом деле им нравится вести гораздо больше, чем следовать. Это означает, что многие женщины в зрелом возрасте вдруг нашли свой аутентичный голос и своё место в танго, где другие женщины ценят их как лидера, тогда как фолловера мужчины их в основном игнорируют. Ведение даёт им своего рода «вторую жизнь». Осознание, что лидерство органично соответствует вашей личности, уже сам по себе волшебный процесс. Мы традиционно воспринимаем ведение как «мужскую» роль, но качества хорошего лидера (умение слушать, направлять, развлекать, вовлекать, защищать, брать на себя ответственность, устанавливать связь) на самом деле качества хорошего родителя. Хорошей матери. Многие женщины являются прирождёнными лидерами просто потому, что они женщины. Кто бы мог подумать!

Означает ли это, что вы как женщина-фолловер теперь обязаны научиться вести? Нет, не обязаны, если вам этого не хочется. Вы вольны оставаться в роли фолловера. Совершенно не важно, когда вы начнёте учиться водить, лишь бы вам это нравилось. Ваши навыки фолловера будут огромным подспорьем и значительно ускорят процесс обучения, если вы в какой-то момент таки решите начать. Хорошая новость и в том, что в роли фолловера вы будете всё чаще встречать на милонгах хороших женщин-лидеров, которые захотят вас пригласить. Будьте готовы к неожиданным кабесео! Не всегда очевидно, что женщина хороший лидер, если она танцует обе роли: способов просигналить другим женщинам «я тоже веду» не так уж много, даже если вы носите брюки и сапожки “для практики”. Если вы уже водите, не бойтесь танцевать как лидер и приглашать на милонгах. Вам не нужно быть идеальным лидером. Вам даже не нужно быть особенно хорошим лидером, чтобы многие уже захотели с вами танцевать!

Тем же людям, которые, как организатор печально известной милонги в Буэнос-Айресе, считают, что настоящее танго возможно только между (гетеросексуальным) мужчиной и (гетеросексуальной) женщиной, я хотела бы сказать: вы имеете полное право на ваше мнение, пока вы не прибегаете к насилию в отношении тех, кто думает иначе. Красота танго в том, что оно побуждает вас найти ваше собственное «тру танго», то, которое подходит вам, при условии, что вы не причиняете вред другим людям. Танго долгое время определялось как танец, в котором мужское тело танцует с женским, и мы привыкли, что оно именно так выглядит и ощущается. Два женских или мужских тела, танцующих вместе, неизбежно будут выглядеть и ощущаться иначе. Но разве иначе значит “не по-настоящему”? Для вас, возможно, да. Для меня нет, исходя из моего личного опыта. Я считаю, что не гендер, не сексуальная ориентация, не возраст и не тип телосложения делают нас танцорами, а то, какую связь мы создаем с собственным телом, с музыкой, с полом и с другим человеком. Наша способность отдаться танцу и то, как в течение какой-то пары песен другой человек может ощутить истинное блаженство просто потому, что вы его обняли. Это тихое, глубокое, меняющее нас изнутри волшебство хорошей танды. Ну, вы меня поняли.

Июнь 2026

Pourquoi le fait que les femmes apprennent à guider bénéficie à tout le monde

Traduit de l’anglais, original ici

Au printemps 2026, deux femmes ont décidé de danser une tanda dans une milonga notoirement traditionnelle de Buenos Aires. Elles ont ensuite été réprimandées et agressées physiquement par l’organisateur de la milonga, également connu pour ses méthodes intolérantes de gestion du public, distribuant des cartons « rouges » et « jaunes » et insistant sur des rôles traditionnellement genrés dans ses événements. Diverses associations de professionnel·le·s du tango en Argentine et ailleurs ont depuis condamné son comportement comme une discrimination de genre. Pour beaucoup de gens, cet incident a sonné comme un retour absurde dans le passé, car la plupart d’entre nous sont désormais habitués à ce que les rôles ne soient plus strictement genrés. Cette roue de l’histoire a peu de chances d’être retournée en arrière, et j’écris cet article, le premier depuis la pandémie (oui !), pour vous expliquer pourquoi je pense que le fait que de plus en plus de femmes guident est une très bonne chose pour la communauté du tango dans son ensemble.

Si vous êtes un·e danseur·euse social·e avec quelques années d’expérience, et surtout si vous vous êtes aventuré·e dans l’organisation d’événements, l’enseignement ou la gestion d’une école de tango, vous avez pris conscience, à un moment ou à un autre, que l’économie de notre beau monde du tango repose essentiellement sur la disponibilité et le comportement des leaders masculins. Le tango est un monde d’hommes parce que dans la plupart des communautés, à quelques heureuses exceptions près, il y a bien plus de femmes que d’hommes. Du coup, pour qu’une activité de tango soit couronnée de succès, il faut un nombre suffisant de leaders masculins prêts à y participer, sans quoi toute l’entreprise s’effondre. Cela crée une dynamique dans laquelle les followers féminines dépendent des leaders masculins désireux de prendre des cours, de sortir danser, de pratiquer et de participer à des événements spéciaux, bien plus que l’inverse.

C’est un phénomène bien observé, notamment dans les grandes villes comme Paris, où je vis. Avoir trop de followers féminines pour chaque leader masculin pousse les followers à travailler dur sur leurs compétences, leur apparence et leur attractivité globale. Tout cela réduit en même temps les enjeux pour les leaders masculins d’obtenir les danseuses qu’ils souhaitent, les rendant moins enclins à se concurrencer mutuellement et à améliorer leurs compétences. Si un grand nombre de followers féminines sont prêtes à danser avec vous en milonga parce qu’elles ne veulent pas passer des heures assises à attendre, la tentation est forte, en tant que leader, de l’attribuer à votre propre mérite.

Quand il y a trop peu d’hommes et trop de femmes, avec des followers qui s’améliorent grâce à une concurrence acharnée et des leaders qui ne progressent pas faute de cette même concurrence, on peut observer l’effet en cascade de ce déséquilibre sur littéralement tous les domaines du tango. Les milongas locales se retrouvent avec bien plus de followers qui ne dansent pas, qui s’en frustrent et abandonnent. Les leaders masculins disponibles, malgré leurs privilèges évidents, ressentent plus de pression pour danser avec des followers qu’ils ne choisiraient pas nécessairement. Les professeur·e·s locaux·ales peinent à remplir leurs cours parce que les leaders masculins arrêtent d’apprendre après à peine un ou deux ans de tango, une fois qu’ils ont accès aux followers qu’ils apprécient. Un nombre insuffisant de leaders masculins dans les cours signifie que de nombreuses followers ne peuvent pas étudier ni pratiquer. Il y a moins de gens qui prennent des cours, moins de gens qui pratiquent et progressent, et le niveau de compétence de la communauté dans son ensemble stagne, faisant de chaque événement local un spectacle du « toujours pareil ».

Certaines followers frustrées quittent le tango ou cessent de progresser, parce qu’à quoi bon. D’autres deviennent agressives dans leur poursuite des leaders disponibles, portant la « concurrence acharnée » à un autre niveau. D’autres encore se laissent entraîner dans une spirale toxique consistant à essayer de surpasser toutes les autres femmes en termes de compétence, d’âge et de beauté. Les leaders masculins suffisamment motivés et talentueux pour devenir de bons danseurs sont chéris comme les quelques « stars » de la communauté avec qui toutes les followers souhaitent danser. Cela crée un déséquilibre des pouvoirs et une aura de célébrité que peu d’égos masculins peuvent résister à abuser. Ces hommes s’en sortent alors avec des comportements discutables, protégés par leur statut de « bon danseur » ou de « brillant professionnel ».

Les mêmes dynamiques sont présentes dans les événements spéciaux. Dans une situation de déséquilibre de genre sévère, les organisateur·trice·s de festivals peinent à remplir les stages, et choisissent souvent d’inviter les mêmes couples d’enseignant·e·s qui sont les stars du moment, dans l’espoir que leur renommée attire des étudiants masculins. Cependant, les couples célèbres sont coûteux, et il devient d’autant plus crucial d’attirer suffisamment de leaders masculins pour remplir les stages en les associant à une large population de followers féminines avides et désespérées. Dans de nombreux événements, les organisateur·trice·s font peser sur les followers féminines la pression d’équilibrer les genres, en leur demandant de s’inscrire en couple avec un homme (et non avec « un·e leader »). Les followers solos se retrouvent, encore et encore, en queue d’une longue liste d’attente. Certains événements tentent d’équilibrer les genres eux-mêmes, créant un autre phénomène intéressant : des leaders masculins que les organisateur·trice·s poursuivent pour remplir le quota avec une réduction significative, voire gratuitement. Ces hommes ne s’inscrivent plus ni ne paient l’événement aussi tôt que tout le monde, alors que la liste d’attente des followers solos continue de s’allonger, puis débarquent à la dernière minute minute, tel un chevalier en armure étincelante, pour sauver quelque chanceuse demoiselle en détresse.

Le déséquilibre de genre en faveur des hommes engendre beaucoup de frustration, de doute de soi, d’autodénigrement et d’abandon de soi chez les femmes prises dans cette dynamique. Je tiens à souligner que le déséquilibre lui-même n’est pas la faute des leaders masculins (après tout, ce sont eux qui dansent déjà). Le problème, c’est la façon dont le déséquilibre affecte le capital social et les récompenses sociales de chacun·e. On observerait probablement des phénomènes similaires si le déséquilibre de genre était inversé. J’ai parlé à des femmes qui ne supportaient plus d’attendre un leader disponible dans une rangée d’autres femmes, toutes bien habillées, la plupart tout à fait ou même exceptionnellement compétentes, toutes passionnément amoureuses du tango. C’est pire quand on est une femme plus âgée. Je me souviens d’un post sur les réseaux sociaux d’une professeure parisienne, exprimant sa tristesse face au peu d’intérêt des leaders masculins pour les cours par rapport aux femmes qui continuaient à améliorer leur danse, et de la quantité stupéfiante de vitriol dans les commentaires de ce post, provenant majoritairement d’hommes.

Dans le domaine professionnel, le déséquilibre de genre prend un lourd tribut invisible sur les danseuses. Alors qu’un bon danseur masculin est une star, même avec peu de références et un niveau de danse médiocre, une excellente follower professionnelle est simplement dans l’ordre des choses et ne vaut pas cher. De nombreuses professeures locales gèrent des écoles, des événements et des stages, accomplissant tout le travail fastidieux qui consiste à faire exister une communauté, pour qu’un professeur masculin invité (souvent d’Argentine) arrive, fasse son truc, soit payé et disparaisse vers un autre engagement où une autre femme fait tout, mais est considérée pour toujours comme son « assistante ». En tant qu’artiste en collaboration avec un partenaire, les femmes savent qu’en cas de rupture du couple, l’homme aura une multitude d’excellentes followers parmi lesquelles choisir, tandis qu’une follower professionnelle aura très probablement du mal à trouver un nouveau partenaire à son niveau. Il est plus fréquent qu’après une rupture, la star masculine du duo continue sa brillante carrière sans interruption, parfois avec une follower bien plus jeune et moins expérimentée, tandis que la carrière de la star féminine stagne ou qu’elle doit repartir de zéro. Parfois, plus vous êtes expérimentée en tant que follower professionnelle, moins les professionnels masculins voudront collaborer avec vous parce que vous avez traversé beaucoup de choses, que vous savez comment faire tourner la baraque et que vous êtes moins disposée à vous abandonner à sa prétendue supériorité.

Les femmes dans les couples professionnels prennent souvent en charge la majeure partie du travail répétitif, ennuyeux mais nécessaire qui entre dans le maintien d’une collaboration et d’un « produit » artistique, un travail qui passe inaperçu et n’est pas récompensé. Combien de couples d’enseignant·e·s avez-vous rencontrés dans lesquels l’homme fait la plupart des interventions dans sa propre langue et la femme traduit ce qu’il dit dans une langue étrangère pour que les élèves puissent comprendre ? Devoir traduire signifie que vous avez bien moins de temps pour dire quelque chose vous-même. Cela signifie aussi que vous êtes au service de votre partenaire plutôt que d’être son égale. Combien de couples d’enseignant·e·s avez-vous vus dans lesquels c’est la femme qui gère toute la correspondance, les présences des élèves, la communication, les paiements et la planification, tandis que l’homme ne fait qu’entrer pour briller et divertir en tant que professeur ? Ajoutez à cela qu’il est assez facile pour un danseur masculin solo de travailler comme professeur·e itinérant·e et artiste, alors que c’est parfois impossible pour une professionnelle.

À toutes mes consœurs de métier, professeures, artistes et organisatrices, je veux dire : je vous vois. Je connais votre douleur. J’y suis passée.

« Oh non, encore une féministe qui s’en prend aux hommes », pensez-vous peut-être. Alors, qu’en est-il des hommes ?

Danser en tant que leader masculin dans une communauté fortement déséquilibrée s’accompagne évidemment de nombreux privilèges. Mais, comme dans tout déséquilibre de pouvoir, il y a des coûts cachés pour ceux qui se trouvent au sommet de la hiérarchie. Le premier, évident, c’est que quand vous n’avez plus envie de développer vos compétences en tango, vous passez à côté de votre propre potentiel. Bien sûr, améliorer sa danse n’est pas un impératif. On peut en profiter sans chercher à s’améliorer. Mais développer ses compétences est en réalité une grande partie du plaisir et de la beauté de toute l’aventure, et vous y renoncez délibérément simplement parce qu’il y a peu ou pas de concurrence ?

Une autre conséquence insidieuse du déséquilibre, c’est qu’en tant que leader masculin, vous danserez avec des followers que vous appréciez mais qui ne dansent avec vous que parce que c’est vous ou ne pas danser du tout. Elles ne vous le diront pas. Elles seront aimables. Elles feront en sorte que vous ne le remarquiez pas. Si vous êtes à l’aise avec un consentement à moitié sincère, alors c’est très bien. Mais ne préféreriez-vous pas que votre partenaire de danse désire vraiment cette tanda avec vous ? Et enfin, comme je l’ai mentionné, il y a une pression constante sur les leaders masculins disponibles, en particulier les plus compétents, pour qu’ils dansent avec autant de followers que possible. Cela prive souvent de la possibilité de choisir uniquement celles que l’on veut, et être sélectif vous fait passer pour un snob arrogant. Et on vous lance des regards noirs si vous osez suivre ou guider un autre homme. Pourtant, on sait tous qu’apprendre à suivre rend tout leader meilleur dans son guidage. Et si vous aimiez vraiment suivre en tant qu’homme ? Dieu nous en préserve !

Ainsi, dans de nombreuses communautés, notamment en Europe, dans les deux premières décennies de ce siècle, le tango était cette belle chose qui nous faisait aussi beaucoup souffrir, en particulier les femmes. Et puis la pandémie est arrivée.

Pendant les confinements liés au Covid, plusieurs choses se sont produites. Alors qu’il n’y avait plus de tango, beaucoup de gens se sont tournés vers les cours en ligne, souvent en solo, femmes et hommes. Parfois, c’était simplement une tentative désespérée de s’accrocher à la bouée de sauvetage du tango alors que le monde était en plein arrêt. Pour certaines personnes, c’était la première fois qu’elles prenaient un cours de technique. Beaucoup de gens ont réalisé qu’améliorer leurs compétences était en réalité incroyablement fun et gratifiant. Une fois que les milongas ont été de nouveau possibles, ces élèves en ligne sont revenu·e·s au tango avec une soif renouvelée d’amélioration. Mais ce qui a vraiment été un moment charnière, c’est la façon dont les femmes ont commencé à pratiquer entre elles, faute de partenaires masculins, et donc à apprendre à guider : une compétence qu’elles avaient longtemps voulu essayer, mais que la rude concurrence pour être une follower désirable avait accaparé tout leur temps et leur énergie.

Ici à Paris, alors que les milongas en intérieur étaient encore interdites, les gens allaient danser en plein air pendant les mois d’été, et j’étais stupéfaite de voir combien de femmes dansaient et pratiquaient ensemble. J’en faisais partie. Le changement semblait significatif. Dès que j’ai pu rouvrir mes cours en présentiel, j’ai commencé à donner des ateliers de « guidage pour femmes » et jusqu’à aujourd’hui, ces ateliers sont un succès stable. Je connais quelques autres professionnelles dans différentes parties du monde qui ont ressenti ce changement et ont commencé à proposer des cours de guidage pour les femmes aussi. À Paris, nous avons désormais un collectif, Las Malevas, composé de quatre professeures femmes (moi y compris) qui propose des cours hebdomadaires de guidage pour femmes. Tout ça n’est pas pour dire que les femmes se sont mises à guider en milonga ou à prendre des cours en tant que leader uniquement après la pandémie. Beaucoup le faisaient déjà bien avant. Des événements célébrant les femmes et des practicas exclusivement féminines existaient déjà dans certains endroits avant la pandémie. Mais dans de nombreuses communautés, c’est après la pandémie que ces chiffres ont explosé.

Une autre chose qui s’est produite, c’est ce que j’appellerais « un bond de conscience ». Quand le tango nous a été temporairement arraché de force, beaucoup de danseur·euse·s, et en particulier des femmes, ont réfléchi et se sont parlé de ce qu’ils et elles aimaient et détestaient dans le tango. Et beaucoup d’entre elles ont commencé à rejeter l’idée de devoir chercher un partenaire masculin pour avoir le droit de participer à un marathon ou à un festival. Si un événement n’admettait pas les femmes leaders, les danseur·euse·s double rôle ou les followers féminines solos, elles n’en voulaient plus. Elles en avaient marre du principe du « trouve-toi d’abord un homme avant de pouvoir profiter du tango ». À la place, elles cherchaient d’autres femmes avec qui s’associer.

Ce changement a eu un impact rapide et visible sur l’économie du tango. Les professeur·e·s ont commencé à vendre plus de cours. Les écoles locales sont devenues plus enclines à enseigner les deux rôles à tout le monde dès le départ, ce qui a rendu le déséquilibre de genre moins problématique, y compris dans les cours avec trop d’élèves masculins. Maintenant que c’est normal de changer de rôle, les hommes apprennent et pratiquent ensemble sans problème. Et même si c’était peut-être déjà le cas dans de nombreuses écoles avant la pandémie, c’est aujourd’hui en train de devenir une pratique courante.

Toutes les grandes marques de chaussures de tango ont commencé à concevoir et à vendre rapidement ce qu’on appelle les « chaussures de pratique » pour les femmes, de jolies bottines en cuir à talon bas que l’on peut désormais trouver dans toutes les couleurs et matières possibles. Notez qu’on les appelle encore « chaussures de pratique », bien que beaucoup de femmes les portent en milonga, aussi bien pour guider que pour suivre, renonçant parfois complètement aux talons hauts. Pourtant, d’une certaine façon, le guidage pour les femmes, c’est encore de la « pratique », pas quelque chose de sérieux, n’est-ce pas ? Oh, le doux parfum douceâtre de la misogynie discrète qui subsiste ici et là. Pratiquement chaque femme que je connais possède désormais une paire de ces jolies petites bottines. Elles sont idéales pour guider mais aussi pour suivre, car contrairement aux lourdes baskets de danse, elles paraissent élégantes avec des jupes et des robes. Et avez-vous remarqué que les femmes en pantalon font leur retour en force ?

Quand des followers commencent à guider, elles ont déjà deux atouts pour elles. Premièrement, elles ont l’habitude de travailler dur et d’améliorer leurs compétences, et elles savent que ça paye. Elles sont enclines à travailler dur dans les cours et à consacrer du temps à pratiquer et à danser en tant que leader en milonga. Deuxièmement, elles ont toutes vécu l’expérience d’une mauvaise tanda avec un leader aux compétences médiocres, elles sont passées pas ces experiences à de nombreuses reprises. Cela les rend déterminées à être des leaders attentionnées et confortables. Elles doivent également combattre un certain nombre de stéréotypes, comme « les femmes sont terribles en navigation » ou « ce n’est jamais aussi bien qu’avec un homme ». Plus les femmes deviennent de bonnes leaders, plus d’autres femmes veulent danser avec elles, ce qui signifie que certaines followers n’ont plus à se fier à ces tandas de « consentement à moitié sincère » avec des leaders masculins pour lesquels elles n’avaient pas grand enthousiasme auparavant. Beaucoup de followers me disent qu’elles préféreraient de loin danser avec une leader féminine moins expérimentée mais attentive et investie plutôt qu’avec certains leaders masculins avec qui elles dansaient avant.

Le seul groupe moins enthousiaste face à tout ce développement est bien sûr celui de ces leaders masculins, qui font maintenant face à une concurrence qu’ils n’avaient pas vue venir.

Avec des baby leaders avides d’apprendre, les organisateur·trice·s d’événements peuvent remplir davantage de stages lors des festivals. Les événements de danse sociale s’ouvrent désormais lentement à la possibilité de déconnecter le genre des rôles, même si cela reste délicat, les marathons cherchant toujours un équilibre de genre pour une bonne raison. On peut désormais préciser non seulement son genre, mais aussi si l’on danse « principalement en tant que follower » ou « principalement en tant que leader » ou « les deux à égalité » lors de l’inscription à la plupart des marathons. Et bien que les festivals de tango queer et les événements double rôle existent dans le monde depuis plus de deux décennies, ces événements reçoivent également un afflux de nouveaux·elles danseur·euse·s, des femmes (et quelques hommes) qui aiment danser les deux rôles mais ne s’identifient pas nécessairement comme queer. Et c’est ainsi que les femmes qui se libèrent de la pression écrasante d’une concurrence injuste, libèrent tout le monde. Les hommes peuvent désormais danser et pratiquer ensemble s’ils le souhaitent, et cela change clairement leur expérience du tango pour le mieux.

Enfin, les couples professionnels féminins obtiennent une plus grande reconnaissance. Je le sais bien car j’en fais partie, je travaille avec une formidable leader féminine, Asya Moiseeva. Vous pouvez probablement nommer un·e ou deux leaders féminines ou duos, bien que globalement il y ait encore plus de couples de tango masculins et qu’ils aient tendance à être plus connus. Malgré le nouvel équilibre trouvé, le tango reste très centré sur la présence masculine, la compétence masculine, la virtuosité masculine. Bien que les organisateur·trice·s soient désormais plus disposé·e·s à inviter des couples féminins, il est souvent encore difficile d’attirer des leaders masculins à un stage animé par une leader féminine. En revanche, quand les organisateur·trice·s ajoutent un couple féminin à leur programme, ils et elles peuvent être sûr·e·s d’attirer des danseur·euse·s double rôle qui voudront apprendre d’elles. Cela me rend optimiste pour l’avenir des collaborations exclusivement féminines et pour que les artistes féminines soient prises plus au sérieux. Aux organisateur·trice·s, je voudrais dire : quelle que soit l’admiration que vous portez à vos artistes masculins préférés, vous pouvez être certain·e·s que leurs partenaires féminines et les professionnelles féminines en général ont très probablement dû travailler bien plus dur et surmonter bien plus d’obstacles pour arriver là où elles en sont.

Un résultat moins attendu du fait que les femmes se tournent vers le guidage, c’est que beaucoup d’entre elles, et en particulier les femmes plus mûres, découvrent qu’elles sont des leaders nées. Elles aiment en réalité guider bien plus que suivre. Cela signifie que de nombreuses femmes plus âgées trouvent soudainement une voix authentique et une place dans le tango où elles sont recherchées pour leurs compétences par d’autres femmes, tout en étant ignorées par les leaders masculins. Le guidage leur offre une sorte de « deuxième vie » en tant que femme dans le tango. Et découvrir comment le guidage s’aligne naturellement avec leur personnalité est en soi quelque chose de magique. Nous voyons traditionnellement le guidage comme un rôle « masculin », mais les qualités d’un bon leader (être capable d’écouter, de guider, de divertir, d’engager, de protéger, d’assumer ses responsabilités, de communiquer, de se connecter) sont en réalité aussi celles d’un bon parent. D’une bonne mère. Beaucoup de femmes sont des leaders nées simplement parce qu’elles sont des femmes. Qui l’eût cru !

Est-ce que ça veut dire qu’en tant que follower féminine, vous devez maintenant absolument apprendre à guider ? Pas si vous n’en avez pas envie. Vous êtes tout à fait libre de vous en tenir à suivre. Ce qui est bien avec le guidage, c’est que peu importe quand vous commencez, du moment que vous l’appréciez. Vos compétences de follower seront d’une grande aide et accéléreront considérablement le processus d’apprentissage lorsque vous choisirez de commencer à guider. La bonne nouvelle, c’est aussi qu’en tant que follower, vous verrez désormais de plus en plus de bonnes leaders féminines en milonga qui pourraient vouloir vous faire la mirada. Restez à l’affût des cabeceos inattendus. Vous ne saurez souvent pas qu’une femme est également une excellente leader si elle danse les deux rôles, il n’y a pas beaucoup de façons de signaler aux autres femmes « je guide aussi », même si vous portez un pantalon et des bottines de « pratique ». Si en tant que femme vous guidez déjà, n’ayez pas peur de vous montrer. Vous n’avez pas à être parfaite. Vous n’avez même pas à être très bonne pour recevoir beaucoup de tentatives de cabeceo de la part de certaines des meilleures followers de la ville !

À toutes les personnes qui, comme l’organisateur de l’infâme milonga de Buenos Aires, pensent que le vrai tango ne peut se produire qu’entre un homme (hétérosexuel) et une femme (hétérosexuelle), je me sens envie de dire que vous avez le droit de le ressentir ainsi, du moment que vous n’usez pas de violence sur les personnes qui ont une opinion différente. La beauté du tango est qu’il vous pousse à trouver votre propre « vrai tango », celui qui fonctionne pour vous, à condition que personne d’autre ne soit blessé·e dans le processus. Cette danse a longtemps été définie par des corps masculins dansant avec des corps féminins et nous sommes habitués à ce que cela se ressente ainsi, de sorte que deux corps féminins ou deux corps masculins dansant ensemble sont forcément différents à ressentir et à voir. Mais différent est-il moins vrai ? Peut-être pour vous. Pas pour moi, pas avec mon expérience. Je crois que ce n’est pas notre genre, ni notre orientation sexuelle, ni notre âge, ni notre morphologie qui font de nous un·e danseur·euse de tango, c’est la façon dont nous nous connectons à notre corps, à la musique, au sol, à l’autre personne. C’est notre capacité à nous abandonner à cette danse et à rendre quelqu’un merveilleusement heureux·se d’être dans nos bras le temps de quelques chansons. Cette magie tranquille, profonde et transformatrice d’une vraiment belle tanda. Vous voyez ? J’en suis sûre.

Mai 13, 2026

Why women learning to lead is good for everyone

Some time in spring of 2026, two women decided to dance a tanda at a notoriously traditional milonga in Buenos Aires. They were then scolded and physically attacked by the milonga’s organiser, equally notorious for his intolerant ways of managing the public by giving out “red” and “yellow” cards and insisting on traditionally gendered roles in his events. Various associations of tango professionals in Argentina and beyond have since condemned his behavior as gender discrimination. For many dancers, this whole incident sounded like an absurd blast from the past, as most of us are now used to roles no longer being strictly gendered. This particular wheel of history is unlikely to be turned around and I’m writing this article, my first since the pandemic (yes!), to tell you why I think that more and more women leading is a very good thing for tango community as a whole.

If you are a social dancer with a few years of experience, and especially if you’ve dabbed into event organising, teaching or running a tango school, you have become, at some point, painfully aware that the economics of our beautiful tango world hinge primarily on the availability and the behaviour of the male leaders. Tango is a men’s world because in most communities, with a few lucky exceptions, there are way more women than men. Therefore for any tango activity to be successful, you need a high enough number of male leaders willing to participate or the whole enterprise crumbles to the ground. This creates a dynamic in which female followers are dependent on male leaders willing to take classes, go out dancing, practice and participate in special events way more than the other way around.

This is a well-observed phenomenon, especially in large cities like Paris, where I live. Having too many female followers for each male leader makes followers work hard on their skills, looks and overall attractiveness. All the while reducing the stakes for the male leaders to get the dancers they want, making them less eager to compete with each other and to improve their skills. If a lof of female followers are willing to dance with you in a milonga because they don’t want to spend hours sitting and waiting, as a leader the temptation is strong to see it as your own merit.

When there are too few men and too many women, with followers getting better due to cut throat competition and leaders not improving because of the lack thereof, we can observe the ripple effect of that imbalance on literally every domain of tango. Local milongas are faced with way more followers not dancing, getting frustrated and quitting. The available male leaders, despite the obvious privileges, feel more pressure to dance with followers they wouldn’t necessarily choose. Local teachers struggle to fill up their classes because male leaders quit learning after barely one-two years of tango, once they have gained access to followers they like. Not enough male leaders in classes means many followers are not able to study or practice. There are less people taking classes, less people practicing and improving and the community level of skill as a whole stagnates, making every local event a bit of a “same old, same old”.

Some frustrated followers leave tango altogether or quit improving as well, because what’s the point. Others become aggressive in going after the available leaders, taking the “cut throat competition” to another level. Yet others are pulled into a toxic spiral of trying to outperform all other women when it comes to skill, age and beauty. Male leaders motivated and talented enough to become good dancers are cherished as the few “stars” of the community that all the followers want to dance with. This creates a power imbalance and a celebrity aura that not many male egos can resist abusing. These men then get away with questionable behaviour, protected by their status of a “good dancer” or a “brilliant professional”.

The same dynamics are present in special events. In a situation of severe gender imbalance festival organisers struggle to fill up the workshops, so they will often choose to invite the same teaching couples that are the stars of the moment, in hopes that their fame attracts male students. However, celebrity couples are expensive, so it becomes even more crucial to get enough male leaders to fill up the workshops by pairing them with a large population of eager and desperate female followers. In many events, the organisers put the pressure of balancing the genders on the female followers, by requiring them to register in couple with a man (and not “a leader”). Single followers find themselves, again and again, at the tail end of a long waiting list. Some events try to balance the genders themselves, creating another interesting phenomenon: male leaders that are chased by the organisers to fill up the quota with a significant discount or even for free. These men no longer register or pay for the event as early as everyone else, while the waiting list of solo followers keeps growing, and then swoop in like a knight in shining armor to save some lucky damsel in distress.

Gender imbalance in favour of men creates a lot of frustration, self-doubt, self-loathing and self-abandonment in women who are trapped in that dynamic. I want to stress that the imbalance itself is not the fault of the male leaders (after all, they are the ones who already dance). The problem is how the imbalance affects the social capital and the social rewards of everyone involved. We would probably observe similar phenomena were the gender balance reversed. I’ve talked to women who could no longer stand having to wait for an available leader in a row of other women, all of them well-dressed, most of them quite or even exceptionally skilled, all of them passionately in love with tango. It’s worse when you are an older woman. I remember a social media post by a female teacher from Paris, expressing her sadness at how little male leaders were interested in taking classes as opposed to women who kept improving their dance, and the astonishing amount of vitriol in the comments on that post, mostly from men.

In the professional field, gender imbalance takes a severe invisible toll on female dancers. While a good male dancer is a star, even with few credentials and a subpar level of dancing, an excellent professional follower is just business as usual and a dime a dozen. Many local female teachers run schools, events and workshops, doing all the tedious work of keeping a community together, for an invited male teacher (often from Argentina) to come in, do his thing, get paid and disappear to another gig where another women is doing everything, yet is forever considered his “assistant”. As an artist in a collaboration with a partner, women know that in case of the couple breaking up the man will have a multitude of excellent followers to choose from, whereas a female professional follower will most likely struggle to find a new partner at her level. It is more frequent that after a breakup the male star of the duo continues his brilliant career uninterrupted, sometimes with a much younger and less experienced follower, while the female star’s career stagnates or she has to start from scratch. Sometimes, the more experienced you are as a professional follower, the less male professionals will want to collaborate with you because you’ve been through a lot and you know how shit’s done and you are less willing to self-abandon to his perceived superiority.

Women in professional couples often take upon themselves most of the repetitive, boring but necessary labour that goes into maintaining a collaboration and an artistic “product”, labour that goes unnoticed and unrewarded. How many teaching couples have you met in which the man does most of the talking in his own language and the woman translates what he says to a foreign language so that the students can understand? Having to translate means you have way less time to actually say something yourself. It also means you are in service of your partner instead of being an equal. How many teaching couples have you seen in which it’s the woman who handles all the correspondence and the student attendance and the communication and the payments and the planning, while the man only comes in to shine and to entertain as a teacher? Add to this that it is quite easy for a solo male dancer to work as a traveling teacher and artist, while it is sometimes impossible for a female professional.

To all my sisters in trade, teachers, performers and organisers, I want to say: I see you. I know your pain. I’ve been there.

“Oh no, not another feminist bashing on men,” you might be thinking. So what about the men?

Dancing as a male leader in a strongly imbalanced community obviously comes with many privileges. However, as in every power imbalance, there are hidden costs for those on top of the hierarchy. The first obvious one is that when you are no longer interested in developing your tango skills, you are missing out on your own potential. Of course, improving your dance is not an imperative. You can enjoy it without striving for self-improvement. But developing your skills is actually a big part of the fun and the beauty of the whole endeavour and you willingly give up on that just because there is little to no competition?

Another insidious consequence of the imbalance is that, as a male leader, you will dance with followers you like but who only dance with you because it’s either you or not dancing at all. They won’t tell you that. They’ll be friendly. They’ll make sure you don’t notice. If you are ok with half-hearted consent, then it’s fine. But wouldn’t you prefer your dance partner to really desire this tanda with you? And lastly, as I mentioned, there is a constant pressure on the available male leaders, especially the skilled ones, to dance with as many followers as they can. This often takes away the option of choosing only the ones you want and being picky makes you feel like a arrogant snob. And you get dirty looks if you dare to follow or lead another man. Yet, we all know that learning to follow makes every leader better at leading. Also, what if you actually really like following as a man? God forbid!

And so in many communities, especially in Europe, in the first two decades of this century tango was this beautiful thing that also made so many of us struggle, especially women. And then the pandemic hit.

During covid lockdowns, a few things happened. While there was no more tango, many people turned to online classes, often solo, women and men alike. Sometimes it was simply a desperate attempt to hold on to the life line of tango while the world was in full shutdown. For some people it was the first time they took a technique class. Many people realised that improving their skills was actually incredibly fun and rewarding. Once milongas were possible again, these online students came back to tango with a renewed thirst for improvement. But what was truly momentous was the way women started practicing with other women, for the lack of male partners, and therefore learning how to lead: a skill they had long wanted to try but the tough competition to be a desirable follower had taken up all their time and effort.

Here in Paris, while the inside milongas were still prohibited, people went to dance in open air events during summer months and I was amazed to see how many women were dancing and practicing with each other. I was also one of them. The shift felt significant. The moment I could reopen my classes in person, I started giving “leading for women” workshops and to this day, these workshops are a stable success. I know a few other female professionals in different parts of the world who felt that shift too and started offering leading for women classes. In Paris, we now have a collective, Las Malevas, of four female teachers (me included) that offers weekly leading for women classes. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like women weren’t leading in milongas or taking classes as a leader before. Plenty of them did. Events celebrating women and all-female practicas existed in some places already before the pandemic. But in many communities it’s after the pandemic that those numbers exploded.

Another thing that happened was what I would call “a leap in awareness”. When tango was forcibly taken away from us, temporarily, many dancers, and especially women, reflected on and talked to each other about what they loved and hated about tango. And many of them started rejecting the idea of having to look for a male partner in order to be allowed to participate in a marathon or a festival. If an event did not allow for women leaders, double role dancers or solo female followers, they didn’t want it. They were done with that whole “get yourself a man first before you can enjoy tango” thing. Instead, they sought out other women to partner with.

The shift had a quick and visible impact on tango economy. Teachers started selling more classes. Local schools became more inclined to teach everyone both roles from the start, which made the gender imbalance less of an issue, including in classes with too many male students. Now that it’s normal to switch roles, men learn and practice with each other without a second thought. And although this might have been the case in many schools before the pandemic, nowadays it is becoming a mainstream practice.

All the big tango shoe brands started expeditiously designing and selling the so-called “practice shoes” for women, cute leather boots with a low heel that you can now get in all possible colours and materials. Note how they are still called “practice shoes” although a lot of women wear them in milongas, both for leading and following, sometimes forsaking the high heels altogether. Yet somehow leading for women is still “practice”, not a real thing, right? Oh the sweetly rotten scent of inconspicuous misogyny still lingering here and there. Practically every woman I know now owns a pair of cute little boots. They are great for leading but also for following because, unlike the bulky dance sneakers, they look elegant with skirts and dresses. And did you notice that women dancing in pants is trending again?

When followers start to lead, they have two things already going for them. One, they are used to working hard and to improving their skills, and they know that there’s a payoff. They are inclined to work hard in classes and to dedicate time to practicing and dancing as a leader in a milonga. Second, they all have had the experience of a bad tanda with a leader with poor skills, they have been on the receiving end of it many times. It makes them hellbent on being a considered and comfortable leader. They also have to combat quite a few stereotypes, such as “women are terrible at navigation” or “it’s never as good as dancing with a man”. The better leaders women become, the more other women want to dance with them, which means that some followers no longer have to rely on those “half hearted consent” tandas with male leaders they are not too enthusiastic about. A lot of followers tell me that they’d much rather dance with a less experienced but careful and dedicated woman leader than with some male leaders they used to dance with before.

The only group less thrilled with this whole development are of course the male leaders who are now facing competition they didn’t see coming.

With baby leaders eager to learn, the event organisers are able to fill up more workshops during festivals. Social dancing events are now slowly opening up to possibilities of disconnecting gender from the roles, although it remains tricky, as marathons still seek gender balance for a good reason. You can specify not only your gender but whether you dance “mostly as a follower” or “mostly as a leader” or “both equally” when registering for most marathons now. And although queer tango festivals and double-role events have existed in the world for over two decades, these events are also getting an influx of fresh dancers, women (and some men) who like to dance both roles but do not necessarily identify as queer. And this is how women liberating themselves from the crushing pressure of unfair competition liberates everyone. Men are now able to dance and practice with each other if they so wish, and it clearly changes their tango experience for the better.

Lastly, all-female professional couples are getting more recognition. I know all about it because I am part of one, I work with an amazing female leader Asya Moiseeva. You can probably name one or two female leaders or duos, although globally there are still more all-male tango couples and they tend to be more famous. Despite the newly found equilibrium, tango is still very much centered on the male presence, the male skill, the male virtuosity. Although organisers are now more willing to invite all-female couples, it is often still difficult to attract male leaders to a workshop given by a female leader. On the other hand, when organisers add a female couple to their lineup, they can be sure to attract double-role dancers who will want to learn from them. This makes me hopeful for the future of all-female collaborations and for female artists to be taken more seriously. To the organisers I would like to say, no matter how much you admire your favorite male artists, you can be sure that their female partners and female professionals in general very likely had to work way harder and face more obstacles to get where they are.

A less expected outcome of women turning to leadership is that a lot of them, and especially more mature women, are discovering that they are naturally born leaders. They actually like leading way more than following. This means that many older women suddenly find an authentic voice and a place in tango where they are sought after for their skill by other women, while being overlooked by male leaders. Leading gives them a kind of a “second life” as a woman in tango. And discovering how leading naturally aligns with their personality is magical in itself. We traditionally see leading as a “masculine” role but the qualities of a good leader (being able to listen, to guide, to entertain, to engage, to protect, to take responsibility, to communicate, to connect) are actually also those of a good parent. A good mother. A lot of women are natural leaders simply because they are women. Who knew!

Does this mean that as a female follower you now absolutely have to learn how to lead? Not if you don’t feel like it. You are totally free to stick to following. The good thing about leading, it doesn’t really matter when you start, as long as you enjoy it. Your following skills will be of great help and will speed up the learning process significantly when you choose to start leading. The good news is also that as a follower, you will now see more and more good female leaders in milongas who might want to cabeceo you. Watch out for unexpected miradas. You will often not know that a woman is also an excellent leader if she dances both roles, there are not that many ways to signal to other women “I also lead”, even if you wear pants and “practice” boots. If as a woman you already lead, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t even have to be that good for you to get lots of cabeceo attempts from some of the best followers in town!

To all the people who, like the organiser of the infamous milonga in Buenos Aires, think that true tango is something that can only happen between a (heterosexual) man and a (heterosexual) woman, I feel like saying that you are allowed to feel this way about it, as long as you don’t use violence on people who have a different opinion. The beauty of tango is that it pushes you to find your own “true tango”, one that works for you, on the condition that nobody else is harmed in the process. This dance has long been defined by male bodies dancing with female bodies and we are used to it feeling this way, so two female or two male bodies dancing together are bound to feel and look different. But is different less true? Maybe for you it is. It is not for me, not with my experience. I believe that it is not our gender or sexual orientation or age or body type that make us a tango dancer, it is how we connect to our body, to the music, to the floor, to the other person. It is our ability to abandon ourselves to this dance and to make someone blissfully happy to be in our arms for just a few odd songs. That quiet, deep, transformative magic of a really good tanda. You know? I’m sure you do.

FRENCH RUSSIAN

May 12, 2026

Why we always go back to basics

As a teacher I regularly see students become frustrated when teachers tell them, again and again, to work on something very basic. They think: “I have heard this already years ago and apparently I did not improve!” With every teacher offering a fresh view on the same problem it often feels like the study is a never-ending story. You never seem to “get there”. This despair can become so strong that people abandon studying altogether and just have fun with what they know. So why do we have to go back to basics? And why is it so frustrating?

First, let’s define what we mean by “basics”. Tango is an improvised couple dance with a vocabulary built of very few basic elements. We create all the possible sequences much like words and sentences are created from an alphabet. In individual technique we talk about three upper body related elements (posture, embrace and dissociation) and three lower body related elements (free leg movement, weight transfer and pivot). In couple communication we talk about leading and following the above movements in a musical context: giving or receiving direction, dissociation, embrace shape and distance, pivots, free leg movement, weight transfer, off-axis weight shift and so on. Leading is indicating what you wish another person’s body to do and following is moving your body as a result of somebody’s lead.

Each basic element can be performed in a variety of ways by changing its parameters. To give you a simple example: at the end of a forward step you can go upwards, straightening the standing leg, or downwards, bending the standing leg. This will create different dynamics. You can do this in an associated or a dissociated position of the upper body. While stepping you can open your embrace, close it or keep it the same. You can accelerate towards the end of the step, slow down or pause in the middle. You can step heel or toe first, with a curved or a linear foot trajectory, pushing the floor strongly with the standing leg or just a little. You can make a large step or a small one, put in a lot of energy or just softly slide into it. All this you can do while leading somebody or while following a lead. And here we are talking about just ONE forward step. Consider two people, each with two legs, moving and turning in numerous directions, and just imagine the astronomical amount of variations they can dance with these basic elements!

In the past it often happened (and happens still, here and there) that a teacher would develop one way of doing a certain movement (say, an ocho backward), with just one set of the above parameters, and then claim this was the only correct technique. When studying with another maestro, the students of such a teacher would become greatly confused, as the other maestro would also have his or her own set of parameters for a backward ocho and call it “the only correct one”. And here I am talking about a situation in which both ocho variations are done biomechanically WELL. Imagine the number of ways in which you could do those ochos badly! Nowadays most teachers understand that there are different ways of performing the same movement by changing its parameters. This knowledge allowed an explosive growth of tango vocabulary and also the emergence of clearly distinguishable styles.

A style is nothing else but a preferred set of parameters with which the basic elements are performed recurrently throughout the dance. By arriving downwards on a bent leg while accelerating towards the end of a step gives you a grounded, bouncy kind of walk. If you keep the same speed and travel from one leg to the other without changing the level, you will have a walk that rolls on smoothly. If you go upwards at the end of each step it will punctuate your walk by micro-pauses every time you arrive on a new leg. This is why claiming that one particular style is the only true tango is just as silly as claiming that a large sidestep to your left is the only true sidestep and people who insist on making any other kind of sidesteps are frauds or have no taste.

We start learning tango by mastering small sequences of basic elements, like in a language class a student would start with short pre-defined phrases. The walk, the ochos, the cross steps are all combinations of basic elements, they are not basic elements themselves. The beginner’s sequences are combinations of basic elements with a set of parameters that are the easiest to perform. In a walk, for example, it is better to learn not to change your level too much in the beginning, until you master it enough to be able to go up or down elegantly. At first we learn to pause in a cross step, to catch our breath, and later to walk on without a pause if we want. In former days, if you knew a complex figure you were considered advanced. Nowadays, if you know a complex figure but are not able to break it down into smaller elements and create a variation, you are no longer considered advanced, you just know how to copy. An advanced dancer is able to create “phrases” and change the parameters of the basic elements at will. A beginner can only say “My name is James” whereas an advanced dancer can say “My name is Bond. James Bond.”

Knowing basic technique means performing the main elements well within a simple tango vocabulary. Knowing advanced technique means performing the main elements well within both simple and complex tango vocabulary. The advantage of attaining a good level of basic technique is that complex vocabulary is easier to master. Yet, even if you have attained a solid level of basic technique, you will still need to practice advanced vocabulary before you master it. A way to understand this is to compare it to other motoric skills. While you might recite a short children’s poem effortlessly, the moment you go on stage to recite Hamlet’s monologue you will find yourself struggling with even the simplest phrases unless you have specifically practiced reciting Shakespeare. This happens because the overall complexity of your task is much higher in the second case.

The vast majority of tango classes are about learning steps: all the various combinations of the basic elements. This is done so that people can “converse” with each other in milonga and not end up dancing the same patterns over and over again. Ideally, tango classes let the students work both on the figures as well as on the technique. However, students sometimes learn very complex vocabulary without knowing the basics. This cultivates dancers that do difficult stuff badly. They are trying to recite Shakespeare without having practiced their diction first with something simpler. A poor mastery of the basics can be seen and felt in a dancer independent of what s/he does. Sometimes the sheer complexity of the figures bedazzles an outside viewer, creating the impression that the dancer is a virtuoso, yet ask such a dancer to just walk to the music or do some ochos and the lack becomes painfully apparent.

Why do tango people become frustrated when asked to go back to basics? Many teachers are of the opinion that tango people are essentially lazy. What they want is to party. They do not want to work hard and would love to dance difficult stuff without doing what it takes to dance it well. It is just another hobby for them and you can have a lot of fun in milongas without knowing the basics anyway. There is some truth to this view. Yet, there is also another reason.

A large number of people who come into tango never danced before and have a largely intellectual education, meaning that they have learnt the things they know by READING. Their daily activities are concentrated around processing and recalling information. Becoming an expert in a field that requires intellectual knowledge means working primarily with your analytical mind. When the goal of your learning is knowledge, the learning process can be fairly straightforward. Once you have understood a topic, you do not go back to it unless you have forgotten some of the details. And then a quick review is sufficient to refresh your memory.

This is not how it works in dance. Dance is not only about knowing and recalling, it is in the first place about doing and being. Intellectually knowing what to do is an important part of it, but still only a starting point. You have to train your body to move in a certain way. Learning dance is by definition a cyclic process, as dance only exists in the moment it is performed. Each movement has to be re-created every time, often in different conditions. Perfecting a movement means developing a motoric habit that produces the result you want in any circumstances. And when you are training your body to develop correct movement habits, you do it by repeating and consciously correcting what you do, reinforcing the associated neural pathways in your nervous system.

Progress in dance is achieved by going from simple to more complex movement patterns and back in loops. It is common for a professional ballet dancer to go to a class and get a correction about something seemingly trivial (say, a plié). For a person with no affinity with dance this sounds very strange. Shouldn’t a professional know by now how to do a plié? But in dance – as in playing music, acting on stage, singing or sports – it is not only a matter of knowing, it is a matter of doing it a little better every time. To a dancer going back to basics is what constitutes the most rigorous, most efficient learning. Dancers know that quality lies in the details and the details are always in the basics.

For a novice tango dancer this might come as a revelation. I once had a beginner student who during his second class remarked: “Damn, my walk is still not perfect.” When after one year students expect to move automatically from the “beginner” to the “intermediate” level, they believe that being familiar with the beginner’s vocabulary makes them ready for intermediate level, only to find out that the reality is more complicated. People can know lots of figures and dance all of them badly, or they can know few figures but dance them exceptionally well. This makes any kind of categorisation by level or the number of years in tango very difficult.

If you find yourself hearing the same things about your dance over and over again, remember that this is simply THE WAY IT WORKS. It does not mean you do not progress, you probably do, a little every time. When complex movements are difficult for you, the solution is to break them down into simpler patterns and to work on them until you can dance the combination flawlessly. This is why before we can do anything rapidly we first need to do it slowly; why before turning on one leg we need to have a good postural alignment; why before doing adornos with ease we need to learn how to stay in balance. And this is at once my conclusion and my most important message: dance is really nothing else BUT the basics. The great thing about this realisation is that each time you improve your basics your whole dance improves. This is quite a miraculous feeling and in itself is worth the struggle.

RUSSIANROMANIANCHINESEGERMANFRENCHSPANISHPOLISH

September 28, 2015

Why tango often feels like therapy

Once, in a single day, two different students told me: “I have a psychological block about starting the giro to the right.” Picture my face as a “puzzled” emoji. Another student, after I told him not to take so much care of the partner in the embrace, remarked sorrowfully: “This is a problem in all my relationships. I adapt to my partner to the point of losing myself completely.” And after I told another leader not to run away ahead of the partner, he exclaimed: “Story of my life! Run first, think later!”

It seems like at some point a vast number of people realised “in tango as in life” and figured out that our psychology has a tremendous impact on how we dance. And therefore changes to our psychological makeup must inevitably reflect themselves in our dance. And isn’t it sweet to imagine that we can dance better by doing something else than practicing?

I remember a young woman coming for a private class. She was a beginner, rapidly falling in love with tango and eager to dance well. Shy and soft-spoken, she had a general attitude of someone not willing to attract attention. I was showing her some exercises to open her chest, relax her shoulders and present an upright, proud, “here I am” posture. “See, how beautiful you look.” She glanced at herself in the mirror and quickly turned away, instantly slouching, tears filling her eyes. “Oh, I could never hold myself like this,’ she said. “This would be pretending I am beautiful… and I am not.”

Tango seems to have this uncanny ability to confront us with our insecurities and to unearth deeply buried beliefs. Often tango is literally the only thing capable of doing this, especially if we live a life we no longer question. Teachers joke about classes feeling more like therapy, especially with couples. Students, too, tell me that learning and dancing tango often feels like more than just dance. Tango brings up issues that have been in dire need of a resolution our entire life or – surprise! – something we thought we already resolved in other areas of life.

One of my students tended to rush into each step with so much zest that she frequently stressed out both herself and her leaders. I suggested to slow down and to complete each movement within its given musical time. It immediately changed how she felt inside the embrace but also how she looked. Instead of excessively tensing her muscles she was now calm, graceful and perfectly on time. Not only did it dramatically improve her technique, it revealed a different side to her as a human being. “I always thought that as a follower I had to be subservient,’ she remarked. “To show my leader how enthusiastically I am willing to do what he wants. When I complete my movements I feel like I am dancing for myself, just to feel good and to look beautiful. But inside me there is a voice saying: you cannot be that egoistic!”

Tango has a capacity of reflecting ourselves back to us with an almost unbearable clarity. I vividly remember the moment in my first year, watching a crowded dance floor, when I realised that I saw every single person in that room exactly the way they were in real life. It was as if I could literally see into their souls. I believe that improvising with another person takes up our attention so entirely that we have no energy left for pretending to be somebody else. And because in tango we mostly focus inwards, into the couple, we stop paying attention to what kind of an impression we make on people around the dancefloor. Once in the “flow”, we cannot help it but be who we are. Even if we hide parts of ourselves behind a mask, in tango we will be exactly that: a person trying to hide behind a mask.

In tango, our innermost personality is stripped naked for everyone to see. Or at least for those who know where to look. It then becomes tempting to seek psychological explanations for various problems in dance. I know people who over-psychologise every dance problem, making it about their “issues” rather than skills. They would say things like “I freeze because I don’t feel confident enough to express myself.” Or: “I lose balance because I am not a grounded person in general.” They judge others the same way, saying: “He tries all those complicated steps all the time, he must be very insecure.” Or: “Her embrace is rigid because she can’t let go.” The dubious statement “everyone dances the way they make love” is of a similar kind.

Psychological ideas sound very deep and true but aren’t necessarily, not every time. Daily we are bombarded with all kinds of psychological and neuroscientific knowledge, some of it sound, some blatantly inaccurate. Teachers and dancers praise themselves for knowing the “real” issues behind somebody’s behavior but the reality is rarely that simple. And even dancers with a background in psychotherapy can get it wrong. So how does understanding our psychology help us to dance better?

To analyse this, we need to divide things into different categories.

The first is about INSIGHTS. They come in a flash and feel exciting, no matter how grave and sad their nature seems to be. Insights are never only intellectual, there is always a strong feeling about the situation and yourself. If an idea crosses your mind but excites no emotion then it’s probably not an insight, it’s an educated guess. Or maybe not so educated. If realising “I always take too much care of the other person” releases a sudden avalanche of feelings, memories and realisations about life experiences, then we can talk about an insight. It makes you stop and wonder in amazement. It feels like you suddenly connected some previously separate bits of information. And, most importantly, it feels like you could do something constructive with this new understanding.

An insight helps you get results. No matter how serious it looks at first, an insight is inspiring, even if at the beginning you have no idea what to do. There is always something SPECIFIC about it. As a next step you can work on your psychological well-being and see it reflected in your dance and you can work on your dance in terms of technique, movement and musicality, and see it reflected in your personality. The latter is often much easier!

At some point in my life I realised I held an unconscious belief that I could never be really good at tango because I was, well… not Argentinean. Not a Latina, to be precise. Didn’t have the fiery temperament nor the proud stance nor the sensuous curves. I was a skinny, pale-faced, serious-looking Russian-born Northern European woman with an introverted temperament and a love for ballet. Where was I and where was Argentine tango? And then I said to myself: it is not about who I am and how I look. It is about how I move. I can put all the fire, joy, passion, sorrow and depth of my soul into movement. I can live this music the way I feel it and in dance, I can be a tanguera.

Quite different from insight is JUDGEMENT. No matter how true it sounds, a judgement always makes you feel bad about yourself. When you pass judgement on another person, it gives you a smugly superior feeling of knowing-it-better. A judgement disguises itself as an insight. However, an insight inspires you to look further, whereas a judgement makes you want to smash your head against the wall. It feels like it could easily trigger depression. It feels like there is something fundamentally wrong with you and always has been, you were just too stupid to see. Realising that you have a limiting belief is an insight. Telling yourself “I will never dance well because I am not from Argentina” is a judgement.

An INSIGHT into the psychology of another person makes you feel compassion for that person. For a split second you are looking “in” from the outside and the truth of what you see makes you feel the suffering of the other person as if it were your own. The same is true when you get an insight in your own ways of being. You see your own suffering, paradoxically, as if you were another person looking into it with compassion and understanding. A JUDGEMENT, on the other hand, sets you apart from other people. Both as a judge and as the one being judged. Unfortunately, growing up we all develop a severe inner critic. Any compliment or encouragement bounces off a wall of disbelief: “I surely can’t be that good!” We live our lives convinced that everyone else judges us just as harshly as we do ourselves. The internal pressure this builds can become so debilitating that learning to dance takes twice as long.

A judgement is always an attempt to explain in simple terms what in reality is very complicated. It’s the Dunning-Krueger effect in action. Judgement, when passed by a teacher, can literally destroy a student’s self-esteem. Judgements passed between dance partners can wreck their collaboration and poison the romantic relationship. Being too hard on yourself can push you to improve but it will also make you stagnate regularly instead of progressing. A judgement never yields an improvement, it just produces a high level of stress, the bad kind, and consequently blocks movement, sometimes quite literally.

At some point I made an interesting observation: people who consciously or unconsciously believed themselves to be ugly, struggled to move in a smooth manner. Their movements had a tendency to be jerky. Believing they were ugly created a permanent background of slight stress, resulting in tension which in its turn killed the flow. This doesn’t mean that all people who move jerkily are convinced they are ugly. There could be other reasons. Yet the people who are convinced they are not handsome find it very hard to have a relaxed flow in their movements.

You see, to flow requires you to feel “okay” about your body. To take sensual pleasure in simply moving around to the music. To not be overly self-conscious. To feel that you are allowed to exist, to dance, to play around, to take up space, to make a fool of yourself. Inner judgement makes you feel unworthy of all this. It makes you check your every move, trying to control it, and control is the opposite of flow. Control is also the opposite of mastery. Mastery gives you freedom, control takes it away.

Next to insights and judgements we have EXCUSES. They treacherously parade as insights and sound very convincing, yet do nothing for you whatsoever. At first an excuse brings a kind of relief, but excitement never follows. They serve, basically, to ward off judgement: your own, but especially that of other people. An insight gone stale can become an excuse. You carry it as a white flag, glad to explain to anyone why you are incapable of doing such-and-such. There is a sad comforting feeling about an excuse. Like judgements, excuses tend to be very GENERAL. Both judgements and excuses sound like there is something wrong with your whole life, whereas an insight points to something in the situation.

Let’s look at some of the examples in the beginning of the article. Both leaders who claimed to have a “psychological block” in truth had nothing of the sort: they simply lacked that little bit of skill that would allow them to initiate the turn to the right. We fixed it in five minutes. This lack in skill felt, for them, as stress, insecurity, a flaw. They judged themselves for being incapable and looked for an explanation in their psychology rather than skill. It was therefore a judgement, not an insight, and sometimes it served as an excuse not to try turning to the right at all.

The student who realised she had the tendency to rush, had an insight. Her eyes lit up when she realised it and when she tried to do things differently it brought her a direct result and an “aha” moment. She could also easily extrapolate this insight to a normal-life situation, such as waiting for a person to finish a sentence before rushing to the conclusion. If you do nothing with an insight, you might be tempted in the future to use it both as an excuse and a self-inflicted judgement. “Yep, the story of my life! Always running ahead of the train. Silly me.”

The case with the shy beginner is more complicated. She had stumbled, unwillingly, upon a deeply entrenched belief about herself that released a huge wave of emotion. What brought tears to her eyes was the sudden compassion she felt for herself as she was having the insight: it made her feel her pain as if being a gentle observer. Yet the insight was about something so fundamental, something that felt so difficult to change that it made her sad. At the same time, she harshly judged herself for everything at once: for feeling ugly, for thinking she might somehow be beautiful AND for thinking she was ugly, for crying in front of the teacher, for realising she had been carrying this inside her all her life, for not being able to do anything about it right away.

Let’s take another, very common example. Many women tell their teachers in their first year of tango that they cannot follow. Nope, nada, not me. In their daily life they are strong, independent women who make decisions for themselves! And in tango they must give away their agency? So they either rebel or try to force themselves into becoming a “more feminine woman”. The struggle seems all too real, the explanation seems to make sense. In the majority of cases, however, the concept of following is not properly explained and also profoundly misunderstood. People associate the word “follow” with “passively obey”. Once they get the correct idea and feel it in their body, they realise that not only does it not, in fact, go against their nature, but that they do that very thing (following) every day of their lives in many different situations, just as they lead in others. Yet in the beginning telling yourself “I am not the following kind of person” seems to explain away the confusion as well as any kind of trouble.

I like to show women who struggle with the “passivity” of following how real following feels when they are in the leader’s position. I embrace them gently and ask them to walk forward, without even trying to lead me, while I follow walking backwards. They usually stop after a couple of steps and say in amazement: “Wow, that felt so… active! But so connected at the same time!” Because, you see, even a highly independent, stubborn and impatient person is capable of communicating with someone if she chooses to. Capable of creating harmony, of playing together, of engaging in a conversation. Tango as a model of collaboration fits every personality. All you need to do is to learn the ways to do it and this comes through understanding MOVEMENT.

Of all the three categories only insights are truly helpful. An important aspect of an insight is that you get it yourself, first-hand. It can be triggered by something you are told or something you read, but the insight itself explodes inside your head when you are ready. If you are a teacher, I would caution you not to formulate insights for your students. You can’t. It doesn’t work like that. It’s like trying to make someone fall in love: all you can do is create the right conditions and hope for the best.

To teachers I would like to remind that any gratuitous judgement, even a cunning psychological assessment, is a boundary violation. Any unsolicited advice is a form of violence, even with the best of intentions. Especially with the best of intentions, as it becomes harder for the other person to retaliate without hurting your feelings. You are a tango teacher, not a therapist, even if you are a trained therapist but currently in your role of a tango teacher. Therefore you should be very careful about passing psychological judgement on your students, especially if you are a figure of authority to them. I cannot begin to tell how many people come to my classes with their self-esteem damaged by their teachers and dance partners. If students regularly walk out of your classes looking depressed and ashamed, then you are not a genius who opened their eyes to the truth. You are a bully. And you should know better.

Tango teachers are not therapists and should not try to act as such, no matter their training, background, personal affinity or the trust bestowed upon them by their students. This doesn’t mean you should neglect the psychological aspects of your student’s well-being (or your own). Body and mind, as we come to understand it, are one complex system in which everything influences everything else. It is very good for dance teachers to be knowledgeable in psychology and other bodymind related areas. But you are there primarily to teach people how to dance. So next time you feel the urge to tell that quarreling couple in your class: “You know, tango always brings up all your relationship problems!”, remember that you will pass an unnecessary judgement on two people who are already struggling, giving them no help whatsoever.

“There, Vero, tell them how it is!” you might be thinking. But I am sure you have passed judgement on other dancers just as freely. You might have drawn conclusions about somebody’s psychology by feeling their embrace or watching them dance. You might have been right at times and wrong at others. Maybe you terrorise your dance partners by judging their every move, convinced you can shame them into improvement. Maybe someone does that to you. Maybe you are that person who feels like the “know-it-all” after two years of dancing. Maybe you are convinced that the majority of people’s dance problems are in fact character flaws. We all fall prey to easy conclusions about complex phenomena. It’s not always our fault. Even this article is an attempt to describe in simpler terms something that is infinitely more complex.

Tango, like therapy, helps you realise things about yourself that can lead to positive change. Like therapy, it causes intense and often unpleasant feelings. The point is to process what is arising, allowing yourself to move further in your personal development. Tango offers a playground for this inner work, however, unlike therapy, it will not provide you with the tools to do it. You will have to figure them out for yourself or ask for help. Teachers and experienced dancers can coach you through these transformations by being a source of information and emotional support. So, if right now tango feels like therapy to you, congratulations! It’s a powerful catalyst for personal growth because sometimes, in tango as in life, it takes two to know thyself.

RUSSIANGERMANCHINESE

August 2, 2019

Why women lead and men follow

Recently, at a tango festival in Saint-Petersburg (Russia), the organiser pushed two women dancing together off the dancefloor in the middle of a song. He insisted that his event honored the “traditions” and did not allow same-sex dance couples. This was not his only attempt to stop women from leading that night. One of them described the incident on Facebook, prompting a broad resonance. Russian tango teacher Viacheslav Ivanov launched a hashtag #tango4all and dancers everywhere showed support by posting pictures of themselves in same-sex or reversed-sex dance couples. (The event in question took place in 2019).

The organising school issued a statement saying that true tango is about men leading and women following and that in their events they will tolerate no exceptions. The timing could not be more ironic. The incident happened on the International Day of Tango, while on the other side of the world, in Buenos Aires, Argentina, motherland of all tango traditions, female leaders were competing in the Tango Championship for Women in Leading Role. So, why do women lead and men follow? And how is this still an issue?

A male leader and a female follower as a basic configuration is common for all couple dances of the Western world. At its source, a couple dance is exactly what it sounds: a dance to find a couple. In the past, patriarchal cultures controlled gender relations by strict societal rules from which couple dances offered a welcome temporary escape. People could court the opposite gender and find a prospective life or love partner through a ritualised social activity. Men being the dominant gender, their role on the dancefloor was to sweep the woman off her feet. Dance etiquette was put in place to contain this dangerously erotic activity. For a long time, roles and genders were fused and role swapping only happened for practice purposes.

As a dance, tango started with a bad reputation, considered obscene and confined to brothels, lower class venues and mafiosi gatherings, where men would buy a token to have a tanda with the girl of their choice. When Parisians heard about it, they thought “oh, a dirty dance, how delightful!” and set in motion a process that would popularise tango across the world. In the subsequent years both tango music and the dance would undergo a rebranding from sleazy to respectable (including rewriting the obscene lyrics). It would keep, though, its flair of provocative sensuality, of two strangers meeting for a tight embrace and possibly something more than an ocho cortado

In every couple dance the emphasis, at some point, shifts from “couple” to “dance”. The dance becomes complex enough to be interesting as an art form, as a means of expression rather than dating ground. The roles come somewhat unstuck from gender. This is often the moment when women start outnumbering men. Tango is still both about dance and coupling, but each one of us lives the two components in a very personal way at every particular moment. Many people start tango in hopes of meeting a new love, only to fall in love with a new dance. Also, tango is a tough skill to master and unless you are at least a little bit interested in it as a dance, frankly, there are easier ways to date.

Each role comes with a gendered history. Followers dance on high heels not because they follow, but because women’s party attire traditionally included high heels. Many moves are the way they are because of the initial lack of leg freedom for women in skirts and no such restrictions for men. When around the turn of this century women started wearing pants to milongas, the dance changed too. The wild, loose-legged, fearless nuevo follower was born, with her knockout boleos and whiplike ganchos, moves previously reserved to leaders. The man dumped the suit in favor of baggy pants and a pair of running shoes, and his game became less about seduction and more about freedom, about how far you could stretch the embrace without flying off into outer space. The vocabulary of moves was now almost entirely similar between the two roles. Nuevo, of all styles, was the one to let go of the idea of men necessarily leading and women necessarily following. 

Queer tango was born in the same period, starting in Northern Europe and spreading into Argentina and other countries. This movement was about creating a space for people eager to detach themselves from the dominant heteronormative view of tango. They could get together and dance, however and with whomever, without being banned, ridiculed or stigmatised. Queer tango showed us that this dance held within itself possibilities of connection and expression irrespective of gender and sexual orientation, but also that being gay or lesbian and tango were not mutually exclusive. 

When salon and milonguero became the dominant styles again, we witnessed the return of the tailor-made pants and proper tango shoes for male leaders, and of a tightly hugging slit dress for the female followers. The embrace closed again, making the couple’s connection more about depth and less about amplitude. It was a return to the roots, in every way, but at the same time an integration of the previous phase. By now the follower had firmly assumed her role as an equal partner with sophisticated vocabulary. Clearly gender-defined in their appearance, these styles made role swapping less of an obvious choice, but women wanting to lead and men wanting to follow was already too much of a commonplace to be reversed.

I started to lead within the first two years of my tango life. At that time I was living in The Netherlands, a culture of “live and let live”, so around me I saw men lead women, men lead other men, women lead men and women. Bored as I was to wait for interesting leaders to become available and desperate to move to my favorite music, I figured my follower girlfriends would rather dance with a beginning leader like me than not dance at all. I was right. Once I tried it, I loved how it felt. The creativity, the complexity, the responsibility, the feeling of the other person trusting you, the way you channel your musicality through somebody else’s body. I have been leading regularly ever since. 

My leading skills became an important part of my profession. The fact that I am an experienced leader as well as an expert follower, makes a tremendous difference. I can teach any role to any person. I tell leaders how their lead should feel, make them feel what I mean and also tell them what to do. I lead followers and assess both their individual technique and their following skills from inside the embrace. Most professionals I know have a decent level of expertise in both roles. In general, the higher your competence level, the more you see them exactly for what they are: just roles. 

As a woman who sometimes leads, I have dealt with various reactions. Like that time in Argentina, when a chubby old milonguero with too much champagne in his system tried to insert himself between me and my follower. Men catcalling me and my follower from the tables. That guy who said: “Would you please dance this tanda with me? You already danced with my girlfriend!” A woman flinging herself into my arms and dragging me onto the dancefloor with the words “I heard you led, here, lead me!” Or the time a group of male friends half-jokingly scolded me because I had the audacity to invite a hot visiting follower before they each had a go. 

There are three types of negative reactions dancers get from their environment when they start learning the opposite role. Females are told that “leading too much ruins a good follower”. Males are told “why insist on dancing with other men when so many women are sitting down.” And both at some point confront the statement that “tango is a dance of passion in which a man leads and a woman follows, forever and ever, amen.” 

The first belief says that if a woman learned to lead, she would become bossy and rigid in her following, stop listening to her leader, impose her musical interpretation or simply get confused. Also, she might like it and pose a threat to male leaders if good followers enjoyed dancing with her. What this belief reveals, first, is a very unflattering view of a woman’s ability to learn something new and still keep it together. Also, that leading is thought to be a tougher skill than following, challenging to the point of completely confusing or “converting” a fragile female. And most importantly, it reveals a view on leading itself as authoritarian domination, in which the leader commands and the follower obeys. 

There are several reasons why we tend to think that leading is more difficult. On one hand, our cultural and political landscapes are still largely male-dominated, meaning that everything men do is by default regarded as tougher, more illustrious and less accessible to the other gender. On the other hand, learning how to lead in tango is really difficult for ANY beginner (male or female) in the first two years of study. Following feels easier in those first years, for reasons I described in another article. It becomes really tough once you start focusing on your technique. 

Leading is also more obviously difficult because of navigation, whereas the intricacies of following often hide in little but critical details. Ironically, in many cultures, men are regarded as less gifted for dance except if they are gay, a stigma that can hold a man back from even trying. The male gender is underrepresented in almost any dance class. In tango, the hardships of the first two years scare many men away. When for every advanced male leader we then have several really good female followers, we regard the first one as precious and take the latter for granted. 

There is also the issue of high heels. Any female follower knows that dancing on flat shoes feels nothing like dancing on heels. Not only your sense of balance, the sense of your entire body changes on high heels. When men follow, they very rarely do so on heels, so a male follower might get the impression that following is less difficult than it seems. Especially if he struggles with his role as a leader, following might feel like a relief, a giving away of responsibility, of going nicely with the flow. I know men who are appallingly bad at following, yet believe they’ve mastered it and insist I lead them. For a woman to lead comfortably, she would need to change into flat shoes. So role swapping is something men seem to be able to do just like that, but women need to premeditate. I only lead occasionally, therefore rarely have flat shoes with me. When d’Arienzo calls, I would lead on heels. Trust me, it’s not for the faint of the heart.  

The domination model, paradoxically, stands in complete opposition to how we teach tango in this day and age. Teachers of my generation and younger see the interaction between roles as a collaboration of equal partners, with a set of shared responsibilities such as embrace, music and dynamic, and some specific ones. The domination model is a reflection of an archaic, neither truthful nor intelligent understanding of tango, but one that we still encounter here and there. In the domination model a follower who starts to dance more actively is getting dangerously out of control. In a collaboration model, the more a follower is actively participating, the happier the leader will feel. Being intimately familiar with the opposite role becomes a huge advantage. 

The only way a follower can go “bad” in the collaboration model is if she can’t quickly switch back to the other role. This could also happen to a leader who follows… right? But has anyone ever told a man that his lead will go stale if he follows too much? There is a wide consensus that understanding the follower’s role does amazing things to a man’s leading. Again, this view evokes the idea that leading is more important, more burdened with responsibilities. Also, that a male leader cannot possibly “unlearn” how to lead. Tango history of men practicing with other men before hitting on the girls, plays an important role in this assumption. Therefore, men are not only “allowed”, in public opinion, to practice following, they are encouraged to do so, but only as far as it serves them to know their followers better. In other words, for practice purposes only.

The moment a male leader falls in love with following for the way it feels and starts inviting other men in milongas, public opinion performs a radical flip. The environment insists on reminding him that we only have “a few good men” against all those followers sitting around getting dusty and sour. A heterosexual man who loves dancing with other men, following or leading, has some explaining to do, including to himself. If people can brush off two women dancing together as girls having fun while the good men are taken, two men enjoying a dance together in close embrace can make people uneasy. 

The more homophobia of the surrounding culture imprints itself on a tango community, the less same-sex dancing will be tolerated outside of practice setting. The fact that the incident happened in Russia, comes as no surprise. But even in cultures that pride themselves as open and tolerant, we see female leaders as badass and male followers as cute. We still find “masculinity” to be an upward promotion for a woman but “femininity” degrading for a man. For both genders, we stress that role swapping is either for study or fooling around, suppressing every possibility of a deep, serious human connection or same-sex attraction. 

Yet, you see, that possibility is there, every time. When you dance with another person, leading feels different from following in certain ways, but very similar on another, deeper level. It is about closeness. About protecting and trusting the other. About togetherness in fast movements that feels like flying. Conversations in whisper. Sudden moments of complete silence and the joined intake of breath on the rise of the musical wave. The crossing of boundaries, the vulnerability, the mistakes, the joy, the truth, the here and now.

The question, to me, is not whether role swapping somehow damages or dilutes the essence of tango. Non-conforming role interpretation has been in tango from the start and has only grown in popularity. The real question is what its existence says about tango as a dance. And to me, it says that tango has evolved spectacularly, shedding the erotic attraction as a necessary condition in favor of a more encompassing human connection through music and movement. A connection that can harbor erotic attraction of any kind or none at all, and still be true.

Insisting that role reversal is a “lesser” experience is not traditionalism, it is intolerance to a different way of living tango. When you push same-sex couples off the dancefloor, you are not defending some sacred essence, you are being an ass. When a woman leader impresses you because she is a woman, not because she is a good leader, it’s misogyny. If you constantly ridicule men dancing together, it’s homophobia. It’s not about tango, tango does not need us to defend it. Tango wants our authentic desire to connect to another human being. And to me it means that now and then, during a milonga, I will get up to lead another woman to my favorite d’Arienzo while still wearing my favorite heels.

RUSSIANFRENCH

January 3, 2019

Why sometimes you learn nothing from the best teachers

Learning to dance tango is rarely a straightforward process. This has been my own experience and I have seen this to be the experience of many people I meet. Hardly anybody would deny that tango is a difficult dance and that mastering it on a satisfactory level can take several years. Also, the process is often messy, frustrating and slow.

When you come to a beginner class, life is wonderful. Your teachers do their best to familiarise you with your role and to cultivate a basic sensitivity to music, movement and the social side of tango. You feel like in every class new doors open to an unexplored and fascinating universe. Towards the end of the first year you feel like you are already a pretty good dancer and if tango got you in a strong grip, you sign up for the next course.

It is usually during your second (or third) year that the truth becomes painfully obvious: you are anything but a good dancer YET. Sometimes you feel like you are not progressing as fast as before or not at all. You feel that your teachers are not teaching you the right stuff, not the right way or not fast enough. Dancers you used to look up to no longer seem impressive. At the same time you notice the truly good dancers around you and wish to be like them, to dance with them, to be accepted as one of them. This feeling of profound dissatisfaction is the start of your very own “hero’s journey” in tango: your quest of becoming a better dancer.

At that point you might stay with your teachers but often you will start looking for a fresh role model. You take workshops with renown couples, watch YouTube videos until your eyes hurt and try to find a steady partner to practice with. You look for what you can call “YOUR teacher”: one able to help you to visibly and tangibly improve your dance. You may take your first private class, craving personalised attention. You might end up going from teacher to teacher, gradually losing hope, as confusions pile up with no results in sight. And sometimes you are lucky enough to meet a person whose teaching suddenly makes all the sense in the world. Your body starts doing things in a way it has never done before. Your dance partners compliment you on the improvements and you feel like you have finally found your personal holy grail. 

How come that are you able to improve with some teachers and not with others, who seem just as competent? Which part of the learning process depends on you as a student and which on your teacher? And how can you recognise that your teacher-student relationship is going nowhere?

To understand this I propose a simple model. In a teacher-student learning dynamic we can identify three important parts: GOALS, STRUCTURE and PROCESS. Goals are about the desired results, what it is you want to learn in a given period of time. Structure is about how to get there, the kind of tools and exercises necessary to reach your goals. Process is about how you and your teacher engage in a live interaction from moment to moment. 

One of the reasons we are happy and excited as beginners is because our goals are defined entirely by somebody else. We fully trust our teachers to know what we should learn, when and how fast. Not having clear goals, everything we learn is new and rewarding. There is very little pressure. The proverbial small steps we take in the beginning of this journey seem huge compared to those of an experienced dancer. The situation changes, however, once you decide to improve your dance and start thinking about your own goals. It is important at that point that you do not stick to long term goals alone. If you tell yourself “I want to dance like the tango star X or Z who already has twenty years of experience”, consider it a DIRECTION, not a goal, and instead define some clear short term goals that will take you in that direction ONE STEP at a time. Too general a goal will frustrate and discourage you. If you wish to get the perfect technique, guess what: it’s a lifetime endeavor. But it is possible to get a better balance, for example, or a more comfortable embrace within only a couple of months.

Before any learning can take place, the teacher and the student must agree on a common goal (or goals). In group classes and workshops it happens implicitly: the class description already conveys, in broad strokes, what you will learn. In private classes the goals have to be talked through and agreed upon explicitly, in detail, or the learning will not be effective. If the student has no clear goals, the teacher can suggest them based on the student’s current level of competence and the desired direction. The goals can be as simple as learning to pivot or as complex as improvising to different energies in the music. It doesn’t matter, as long as the goals are understood and shared. They will depend on where the student wants to go but most importantly, where the student is RIGHT NOW. Some goals will have to be broken down in secondary goals in order to proceed step by step. If you want to learn to improvise to different orchestras but still have trouble identifying the strong beat, you will have to start with that.

The goals have to be shared enthusiastically by the teacher and the student. For example, I am the kind of teacher who is interested in in-depth teaching of technique, among other things. To me, working with a student who is not interested in improving technique would feel like a waste of time. I would send this student to a different teacher. It is important that the students decide what they want but it is just as important that teachers are clear about what THEY love teaching most: they tend to do it better than everything else. Often teachers feel like they have to cater to their students in every way in order to keep the business running. However, knowing what you love to teach will not only make you a better, more enthusiastic teacher, but will also help students who are interested in that particular subject find you sooner. 

As a student, it is important that you understand your goals and trust that you can achieve them. The next step is for the teacher to come up with a STRUCTURE (a set of exercises, a practicing routine) that will help you reach them. This part depends on the teacher’s competence and experience. There is also a responsibility in this for you as a student: you will have to establish a study structure for yourself, a regular practice of some sort. Only studying in classes rarely improves your dance in a lasting way. Whatever you learn in that one-and-a-half hour or less, evaporates from your mind and body if you don’t reproduce it again and again. This is why a part of your study structure should be as mundane as taking notes: simply to recall what you have learnt. The fact that we are studying movement doesn’t mean we shouldn’t use our analytical mind. 

Things go wrong on the level of STRUCTURE when the goals are not defined or the teacher has no clear understanding of the student’s level of skill. Then the material tends to be either too easy or impossibly difficult no matter how you try. If the exercises are too easy, the goals must be adjusted and the bar raised or you will leave the class feeling “well, it’s good to repeat things but I don’t feel like I learned anything”. When the bar is set too high, the goals need to be broken down in smaller ones. In an effective learning process there always has to be a challenge, but the material should not be entirely out of your reach. 

When talking about “exercise” I do not mean literally the kind of movement that you are supposed to do, I am talking about HOW. A walk is a walk, yet we do not teach it to beginners the same way we teach it to advanced dancers. You will be asked to polish your walk at every stage but each time with a different focus. If for a beginner student it is sometimes enough to walk on the beat, an advanced student has to focus on how to put down the foot, to push with the standing leg, to project the free leg, to stay connected in the embrace and so on. When judging how easy or difficult an exercise is for you, ask yourself what is its main focus. Ideally, the exercise should feel difficult, but doable if you apply consistent effort. 

Of course, if you don’t pay attention, if you don’t try to get the point or are under the impression of knowing it all already, the exercises will always seem either too easy or too difficult. And this is where we touch upon the importance of a good PROCESS. First thing to understand about it is that it requires everybody’s full engagement. If you come to a class expecting the teacher to perform magic on you, you are not engaging in the process. And if you aren’t, then no amount of goals, structures, money, famous people, yoga classes or expensive shoes will help you. Engaging in the process for a student means, first of all, to understand and share the goals; second, to follow and trust the structure; and third, to be fully present, to take in the information, to do what you are told to do, to pay attention, to give and accept feedback. 

There are a couple of things that can derail the process on the side of the student. The first, as I mentioned, is not to engage at all, to think that being in a class will somehow magically transform you into a better dancer. Another is to judge yourself too harshly, raising your level of stress to the point of becoming completely discouraged. This is not an easy thing to deal with. We come to tango mostly at an adult age, when we already consider ourselves experts in many areas of life. Accepting to be again literally in beginner’s shoes is a dire psychological blow to our self-image. It is especially hard on male leaders, used as they are, in our masculinity-obsessed society, to the constant pressure of being the best, the strongest and the most competent at all times. (It is not easy for women either, but in different ways). Sometimes it is  hard to silence your inner critic. Yet to be fully present means to be completely aware, paying attention and keeping your mind occupied with the task, not nursing your ego. 

Engaging in the process for the teacher means that s/he gives you regular feedback about how you are doing and how to do things differently. “Process” implies interaction, an exchange between people. It means responding both to the student’s struggles and his or her successes. Not only to point out what is wrong, but to give tools to correct it and, equally important, to point out when it is RIGHT. Harsh judgement on the part of the teacher can result in too much stress for the student, but so can total indifference. An engaged process requires a validation loop. If your teacher does not provide such a loop, ask for it.

If the teacher simply tells you how s/he does things, without checking whether you understand it, without watching or correcting you, then it is a LECTURE, not an engaged process. If your level of understanding is close to that of your teacher then a lecture is fine, it could be just what you need. If the gap in understanding and experience is too wide, however, then a lecture will leave you with a heap of mystifying statements and a sense of failure. Ideally, the teacher should make an effort to present the material in THE WAY YOU CAN UNDERSTAND IT and to do so, the teacher needs to assess your current skills. 

Group classes are marked with levels (or sometimes the number of years of experience) in a desperate attempt to shorten the time that the teachers need for such an assessment and to be able to define a goal and a structure fit for all. In a private class this is what the teacher should start with: for example, by dancing with you or by making you do a test exercise. If you come to a private class and the teacher does not take some moments to do a general assessment of your level of skill, the process will not be effective. You might get exercises that are not reflective of your goals, too easy or too difficult. You might not understand what the teacher is telling you because you are not speaking the same “language”. This is an often occuring painful paradox in tango: you go for a class with an amazing dancer, you feel that this person is brilliant in, oh, so many ways, you try to do what you are told and at the end leave the class feeling lost and frustrated. When this happens, it means that something has gone wrong in the process.   

If a teacher tells a group of advanced students to ground themselves, they know what it means and  do it correctly. They have previously gone through a process of learning what exactly “grounding” means. If a teacher told this to a group of beginners, they would look down in amazement, wondering how their feet have managed to leave the ground without them noticing. Before you can teach people to do anything, you have to understand their current idea on the subject – or the absence thereof. The reason so many students leave so many classes with profound statements such as “lead her by intention”, “maintain the connection” and “find the floor” stuck in their head without a clue of what it means, is because the teachers do not explain it in a way that the students can understand and reproduce. In other words, because the teachers, no matter how brilliant, DO NOT FULLY ENGAGE IN THE PROCESS. 

It might look as if I am suggesting that the effort of making the student understand something is entirely the teacher’s responsibility. It is not. To successfully transmit an idea both parties need to be CONNECTED on some common level of understanding. Now, some teachers are opposed to the idea of having to explain it to you in YOUR terms because they believe it is your job to crawl up the thorny path to enlightenment just like they did when they were “your age”. And for some (very few) students it works. There are people in tango who are so motivated and obsessed, they will walk the world around twice to get the understanding they need. They usually become really good and many of them start teaching. Yet we have to remind ourselves, as teachers, that not everybody is a jedi. Very few people actually are. If, as a teacher, you have disdain for the (majority of) students who need the material to be clearly explained, and explained again, who will stagnate, doubt themselves and give up as soon as something seems too fuzzy and too difficult, then you should limit your audience to those you wish to coach for tango olympics. To an ordinary person, who dances tango as a hobby, your teaching might be ineffective at best and traumatising at worst. If you want to teach any person, you have to accept that not everyone learns the same way, not everyone has the same capacity or motivation and not everyone is a future tango wizard.

For both the teacher and the student to be fully engaged in a process, they need not only motivation, but also physical and mental resources. If in an event a teacher gives four workshops a day with a huge number of students of very mixed levels, all the while worn down by the fatigue of performing, travel and late milongas, then for such a teacher to fully engage in a process with every student will be next to impossible. In this case, a student will have to put in a lot of effort, ask for personal attention when possible and be patient. Some teachers favour the lecturing style because of their lack of energy in such a setting, meaning that only the most advanced dancers will truly get the point (others will leave mystified, but frustrated). There exists a conspiracy theory that tango teachers do not like to reveal all their secrets in order to remain superior and desirable, and maybe it is true in some cases. In my experience, however, the unwillingness of a teacher to fully engage in the process is due either to a lack of teaching skills, lack of motivation, lack of resources or all of the above combined. 

If you want to significantly improve your dance and have found teachers that you like, then I suggest you keep a checklist. Frequently ask yourself, how clear are you about your short term goals? Are you in agreement on them with your teacher? Does practicing clarify things for you or only makes it more confusing? Don’t be afraid to tell your teachers that you don’t understand something. Remember that it’s the teacher’s JOB to explain things to you in a helpful way. Manage your challenge level wisely: let it be difficult but not totally overwhelming. An effective learning process brings more clarity to the subject and obvious results in your dance: obvious not only to you, but to your teacher and to your dance partners. If after a while this is not the case, it does not necessarily mean the teacher is not right for you but it does mean that there is a glitch in the process.

You also need to remind yourself that, while your teacher must take the responsibility of teaching you, you must take the responsibility of learning. There is no magic, just understanding and practice. Learning is not something you get, it is something you do. And the more you do it, the more successful you become. This path is yours to walk and it can feel very lonely at times, but trust me: the further you go, the greater the view.

RUSSIANPOLISH

January 9, 2018

Why tango is a difficult dance

As long as I dance, I hear two messages. “Tango is really difficult. It takes ten years just to learn how to walk.” And “Tango is simple! Just embrace your partner and walk in the music.” As far as learning is concerned, the first definitely rings true. Every student told me that tango is hard and my own experience confirms it. If tango were simple, the worldwide tango community would look very different. For one, it would be much bigger. More beginners would stay past their first year (nowadays it’s between ten and twenty percent) and the number of advanced dancers would be higher, with less of a skill gap between various levels and therefore less suffering because such and such doesn’t dance with us. Obviously, this is not the case.

Of course, mastering any dance at a high level is difficult. If it weren’t, it wouldn’t be interesting. Developing complex skills, especially learning complex movement patterns, is fantastic for our brain. Dancing, it turns out, lowers the risk of dementia. Imagine what learning a complex dance does to your brain! Tough skills open doors to new amazing experiences and humans, on the overall, like it difficult. But we are also lazy bastards. We want it all and we want it now. 

When people come to tango from dances like salsa, swing or forro, they tell me that tango is to those dances what chess is to a party board game. It represents an entirely different level of complexity. It is a dance you cannot just “step into”. As a beginner your first milonga probably scared you. It takes between three months and one year before you can go out and actually be of any use to anybody on the dancefloor. With other beginners you feel hopelessly lost and experienced dancers don’t dance with you. If you are a young woman, certain male dancers would gladly entertain you, even insist on teaching you a few steps, but not necessarily because you are a promising dancer. You can shorten this initial period if you have prior dance experience or invest a lot of effort. But no matter how hard you try, learning tango takes a really long time for a dance that is supposed to be, you know, leisure. And the more you progress, the more you realise how much there is still to learn. 

So what makes tango so difficult? 

Without pretending to be exhaustive, I will highlight several factors. The first might not be the one to immediately cross your mind yet it is essential and sets tango apart from many other dances. It’s NAVIGATION. In tango you have to actively move around the room all the time. Couples do not each have their own static “bubble”. It’s more like a highway. I have always believed, from my experience with solo dances, that we underestimate just how hard it is for humans to actively move around a large space while dancing complex movement patterns. And here we have to do it together with another person! The walk is the pillar element because it allows the couple to move around the dancefloor quickly. Yet, despite everyone proclaiming that “tango is all about the walk”, you will hardly see any couple really walk in a milonga. Why is that? Several reasons. First, because of congestion: if one couple does not move, the couples behind it can’t move either or start to overtake, whipping the dancefloor into a mess. Second, in tango we have many complicated figures and when we dance complicated stuff, we tend to remain in one spot. Nowadays tango seems to be much more about turning than walking. And last but not least, walking comfortably in close embrace is surprisingly difficult. Therefore, once on the dancefloor, leaders prefer to dance all kinds of other moves, making bumpy traffic problem number one of every crowded event. 

The second essential complication in tango is the EMBRACE. It is one thing to lead or follow another person while loosely holding one or both hands and a totally different matter to dance in close embrace, chest, hands and head touching, arms enveloping the other person. In some moves your feet, thighs and ankles will touch as well. Close embrace is the main reason why learning to walk smoothly together is so hard. As a leader you have to advance with another person literally stuck to your chest, blocking your way, moving backwards blindly, while you try not to step on her (or his) toes. As a follower you have a person walking through you, taking you somewhere you cannot see, while you try to move away in time not to get knocked over backwards or stepped upon. In normal life the one who follows is behind the one who leads, right? Not in tango. I always enjoy the look on the leaders’ faces when I tell them in tango they are the real followers.

The technical difficulty of dancing in an embrace is to be calm in the upper body but dynamic in the legs. This combination of a relaxed, toned upper body and active strong legs requires a degree of control from your nervous system that takes a long time to develop. This is true for any dance, by the way. At first you will be either tense all over or way too relaxed, and in both states your body will be reluctant to move. Next to close we also have an open embrace, allowing us to dance larger movements. Each type of embrace comes with its own set of possibilities, but also with its own set of difficulties. Some things are harder to do in close embrace, such as simply walking in line. Other things are more difficult to communicate in open embrace, because you have no upper body contact and feel less stable, especially the follower.

Close embrace not only brings with it a lot of technical challenges, it is complicated in terms of human factor. Apart from being often highly uncomfortable, close embrace can be overwhelmingly intimate. In Western cultures we rarely hug strangers for a prolonged period of time. We even rarely hug people we know well, for that matter. For people who come into tango with a history of physical or sexual abuse, close embrace can trigger debilitating anxiety. Yet, close embrace is why we adore tango. It is what gives us our most intense experiences. The reason we tend to be selective about with whom we dance is largely due to the subtleties and the intensity of close embrace. 

By themselves, navigation and embrace wouldn’t be so challenging if tango did not have a remarkably vast VOCABULARY of steps. Back in the old days, when it didn’t, people could say “tango is all about the walk!” and not fool themselves. Nowadays, when studying or practicing you will notice – and be amazed by – just how endless the possibilities are. Not only do we have a vast vocabulary, we are supposed to IMPROVISE with it in the moment. Not surprisingly, in a milonga we end up repeating the same figures over and over again because in order to use this vast vocabulary real-time you have to practice it thoroughly first. And did I mention we were lazy bastards? 

Next, you have the difficulties of each role in the CONNECTION. Because of the enveloping embrace, partners must communicate by subtle messages. Subtle communication takes a long time to finetune, especially if you want to be able to communicate with a large variety of partners. A good lead is invisible and good following is instantaneous, hesitation-free, like inspiration. The better the lead, the more dancing feels as if the movements were generated directly inside the follower’s body. Good following feels like reading the leader’s mind. At a high level partners become so trained to react to the tiniest of intentions that the communication seems to happen telepathically. Show that level of connection to beginners and they will think it’s magic. And frankly, it is. 

Technically, each role has its specific challenges. By “TECHNIQUE” I mean each partner’s own dancing (posture, balance, pivoting, aesthetics). While the leader’s main challenges are leading and navigating, nowadays the follower’s role tends to be more difficult technically. It was not always the case, but in the last decade the follower’s vocabulary evolved dramatically. Follower’s technique is about a very active use of the free leg and lots of pivoting at all times, all of this on high heels. Also, the follower’s movement has to look aesthetical at any moment, which is a huge technical challenge. Following well and dancing beautifully are two distinct skills. An additional complication is that the follower does not choose the vocabulary. Leaders can decide to lead difficult stuff or not, to dance difficult stuff themselves or not, to care about aesthetics or just concentrate on the “driving”. As a follower, you take what you get and you make the best of it. This is why more followers than leaders take technique classes and if you think it’s just to polish their adornos, you obviously never tried to dance back ochos on high heels without a partner or a wall. 

To complicate things further we have GENRES: tango, milonga and waltz. Each comes with its own history, rhythmical patterns and specific vocabulary. Next, we have STYLES: salon, milonguero, nuevo and somewhat separately tango escenario, or stage tango. The latter gets more attention nowadays and inevitably starts to influence the way professionals perform in tango events, adding spectacular vocabulary into the fabric of social improvisation. Taken apart, each style can be seen as an array of preferred figures and specific technical and aesthetic parameters. Sometimes what is “not done” in one style serves as a basic principle in another. At the same time styles are not strictly defined, because, like tango, they have evolved organically. Most people dance what I call “fusion”, mixing steps and elements from various sources. Stylistic variations add enormous depth to tango, but make it harder to grasp, especially when you are a beginner. If on top of that certain teachers proclaim that their style is the only true tango, it all becomes terribly confusing. 

If the above wasn’t enough trouble, we have the MUSIC. Despite its simple rhythmic structure, tango is rich in texture and built as a narrative, a story composed of phrases, with an introduction, some rising tension, a climax and a conclusion. Tango music captures your attention in a powerful way, richly syncopated, lavishly adorned with accents, incredibly versatile, presenting the full emotional range from tragedy to happiness, each orquestra adding its own distinct sound and colouring. You are not supposed to dance a dramatic Pugliese the same way you would a light, sunny Fresedo. Like vocabulary, musical interpretation begins with very basic concepts like stepping on the beat and moves up to complex things such as interpreting the narrative line or expressing the energetic quality of the moment: tender vs strong, light vs heavy, flowing vs bouncy. This means that in tango you have to develop your musical hearing and interpretational skills as a dancer. Did I mention tango is fantastic for your brain?

As you see, our attention in dance runs along four channels: music, our own movement, communication with our partner and navigation in space. And on all those four channels things get REALLY COMPLICATED. Focusing on all of them simultaneously is a huge cognitive task. The way our brain functions makes it so that humans can hold only a very limited amount of elements in their working memory at the same time (also called “short term memory”). The more something is new, the more cognitive resources it will require. The whole purpose of practicing is to lower the cognitive load when dancing. Once a movement is familiar, it no longer uses so much of the working memory and the focus can expand to include something else. 

Communication is the primary channel, for if this does not work, everything else is of little use. With beginners we therefore try to establish a basis for partner communication first, in other words, that which makes tango tango. We insist that leaders concentrate on making steps and taking decisions, or else nothing happens, and that followers concentrate on listening and following exactly what is being led, so leaders can have direct feedback of their actions. If we stress followers with too many technical details in an early stage, they would not be able to concentrate on following. The same way we cannot demand that beginning leaders pay close attention to music, if that stops them from communicating with the partner. 

When some basic vocabulary is in place and the connection in the couple is working, we can enlarge our students’ focus to include technique: balance, posture, aesthetics. Eventually we bring their attention to the music and cultivate a sense of flow on the dancefloor. For beginners with prior dance experience it is easier to include music and their own movement already at an early stage because they come with a developed body awareness and are able to follow the rhythm. Beginners with experience in contact improvisation, couple dances or martial arts usually have an easier time with communication. Everybody will run into problems with navigation, though, simply because the other channels take up so much of our attention. 

As teachers we keep oscillating between the four channels, directing our students’ attention to one or two things at a time. If the cognitive load is too high, the students will get overwhelmed and give up. Therefore we have to slice the material in layers and to take people through stages progressively. The more difficult a dance is, the more stages there will be and the longer it will take. Often, in order to pass through a stage successfully, teachers have to pretend the next stage doesn’t exist. For example, we insist that beginners learn to step in three clear directions: front, back and side. Every time they make a diagonal or a curved step, we tell them they cannot do that. Once the students are capable of making clear lines with these three directions, we say: now you also have diagonal and curved steps. In another example we tell leaders at first to never lead with their arms. Once they have an understanding of the embrace as a frame and a space, their arms well connected to the upper body, we show them which movements they can and have to, actually, lead with their arms.

This phenomenon produces frequent moments of astonishment “And I thought I knew everything!” and is related to how humans develop control of their motor functions. If we let students walk in every possible direction from the beginning, they will be zigzagging all over the place like a drunk crowd on a night out. They first have to learn the basics of a precise, clean walk. To deviate gracefully you have to control the primary directions. To disconnect something effectively, you must have everything connected first. In that sense tango is full of paradoxes because literally everything is possible. One teacher may tell you things in exact opposition to what another teacher told you. Many people stop studying after a couple of years because they simply cannot handle this reality. So, if right now you feel like you have to learn everything all over again, don’t despair. Have a glass of champagne: you just got to the next stage. 

Accepting that tango is difficult in general means that, if it is difficult for you in particular, you are perfectly NORMAL. It is difficult for all of us. We can safely say that tango is not for everybody and not be condescending. It also explains why so few people make it into their second year, why truly advanced dancers are a small minority and why in every community there will always be some kind of hierarchy based on how people dance, despite our efforts to be sociable. So, when someone declines to dance with you because of a large skill gap, remember this person has a point. You have the right to decline a dance for that reason, too. 

We can deny tango its complexity, nostalgic of the days bygone, but who are we kidding? Every art form, tango included, always moves towards a higher complexity, because in art stagnation means disappearance. Yet, paradoxically, the statement “tango is simple, just embrace your partner and walk to the music” is also still true. Only it’s not about the learning, it’s about the dancing. Just because tango is complex, your dance doesn’t have to be. Tango is a language and like a language, it can yield both poetry and small talk, silly jokes and deep thoughts. Here you might expect some encouraging statement from my part, something about taking the challenge and persevering in your efforts, but in truth, it is all up to you. I will say just this: tango growing more and more complicated means that this dance is still vibrantly, passionately, gloriously alive.

POLISHRUSSIAN

October 18, 2018

Why we believe that dancing with better dancers makes us dance better

There exists a belief in the tango community that sounds something like this: “If I get to dance with better dancers, my dancing will improve much faster than if I only dance with people of my own level.” Or like this: “Experienced dancers should dance more with beginners. How are these poor souls supposed to learn if they are stuck with other beginners?” A female student leaving a class with the words: “Every new follower should be given a very good leader from the start! If we wait for these men here to become decent dancers, we will be waiting forever!” 

The learning curve phenomenon seems to back it up. For beginning leaders this curve is rarely the same as for beginning followers. Leaders generally have a harder time learning and getting dances in the first couple of years. A beginning (female) follower, on the other hand, if she is a promising dancer, plus young and good looking, will be noticed by more experienced (male) leaders. How often have you heard the story: “Oh, when she started, all the better dancers wanted to dance with her, so OBVIOUSLY she became very good very quickly.” It can happen with a new male leader, too. Being young and good looking helps, but the key word here is “promising”. It means that this person already has something worthwhile to offer, such as an eagerness to learn. 

The notion that if only expert dancers agreed to dance with you, your tango skills would skyrocket is so widespread that it regularly puts me (the “expert dancer”) in comical situations. I had a total stranger once come up to me in a milonga and say: “I have only been dancing for a month, but I figured that dancing with a teacher would be very beneficial for me.” I have been rebuked for refusing invitations: “You have some nerve, you know. How are these guys supposed to become good dancers if you won’t even look at them?” And consider how often you hear the following remark: “You know, when YOU were a beginner, better dancers danced with you because they wanted to help you.” To which, by the way, I always reply: “They danced with me because I was young, pretty and with a background in dance.”

So is it true that dancing with better dancers makes you a better dancer? 

First, let’s define what we mean by “better”. When talking about levels in tango, we are forced to over-simplify things in order to categorise, but in reality there are many variables that constitute someone’s appeal as a dancer. It is never the technique alone, nor the number of steps, nor the ability to lead or follow, nor the musicality. It is all of those things combined. We can at best imagine a dancer’s skill as a DJ mixing table with several sliders. Each slider represents a sub-skill or an ability that can be at a higher or a lower position, depending on this person’s experience, talent and dedication. I can think of several sliders: technique, vocabulary, communication (leading/following), embrace, musicality, navigation, social skills. To this we should add, to further complicate things, the human factor. It is partially inherent and partially learnt in order to fit into the tango community. In many situations, the human factor will be decisive in the choice of partner DESPITE good or bad skills in other areas. 

To think that we can categorise each dancer based on the vocabulary or the number of years in tango would be naive. It would also be naive to categorise dancers by human factor alone. We know that reality is more complex. You have probably met people who dance a lot of complicated steps and all of them badly. You have surely met dancers with a modest vocabulary but a great embrace or musicality. When we speak of “better dancers” or “a higher level”, we therefore have to bear in mind that it encompasses an array of skills, not all of them necessarily in equally high positions on the mixing table. Choosing to dance with a certain person is always a package deal. We will easily accept some flaws if they are compensated by finer qualities.

This said, let’s look into what happens when you dance with a partner whose sliders are – for the sake of the argument – all in much higher positions than yours. If you are a follower dancing with a much more expert leader (and you are not stressed out of your mind by this situation), your movements will feel more effortless, more “correct”, you will feel more balanced, easily musical and possibly dance steps you have never danced before. An experienced leader will create the optimal conditions for your movement to be as good as you can make it. The goal of a precise lead is exactly that: to PROVOKE a well-done movement. Whether the follower is able to dance this movement well, is another matter. The leader will also avoid leading you the steps that would totally overwhelm you. If you have problems with balance or pivoting, you will either feel them very clearly, if the leader is not compensating for them, and become acutely aware of how much you still have to improve. OR you will feel as if they magically disappeared. This can mean two things. One, the leader is discreetly helping you. Two, you are able to do these movements well, but only in ideal circumstances and with an ideal partner (also known as the “conscious competence” learning stage). 

If you are a leader dancing with a much more expert follower and relaxed enough to concentrate on the dancing, then you will find that practically everything you lead gives marvellous results. The tiniest impulse evokes a meaningful response and the blurriest of ideas transforms into something delicious or at least dignified. You will find yourself leading things you have never led before and expressing yourself in the music with much more ease. You might truly feel like a DANCER. Your problems with balance, pivoting or walking may still bother you but at the same time you will feel that somehow they do not bother your partner all that much. The overall experience will be quite enjoyable. However, all of this is only true if the follower decides to compensate for whatever is lacking in your lead. In a milonga this is what an experienced follower will do most of the time if s/he accepts your invitation. 

To understand this, imagine yourself trying to talk in a foreign language that you barely know to a native speaker. You can actually have a very good conversation if that person makes the effort to understand you, to ignore the imperfections, to finish your phrases here and there and to help you find the right words. Your conversation partner will do his or her best to understand you with as little input as possible, but will also limit their own expression to what you are able to understand in return. Now imagine that instead this person points out every single mistake that you make. You would promptly lose track of your thoughts and the whole conversation would become about how to say things correctly instead of what you actually want to say. And if this person starts speaking to you as if you were another native speaker, you wouldn’t be able to hold the conversation at all.

When I am teaching a leader or a follower, I do my best to make the student immediately aware of the results of our communication. Therefore in a class context, in movement terms, we have conversations about “how to speak properly” and “how to express oneself”, with some chatting practice. But in a social setting this kind of feedback would be too confrontational. In a milonga we want to make the best with what we have and to have a good time, not to make other people uncomfortable. This ability to compensate for the lack of skill in a partner is actually what makes a dancer truly advanced. The whole point of improving your technique is to become like a native speaker. This is also what makes dancing with an advanced dancer so fulfilling: s/he is independent of your skill yet able to communicate with you at YOUR best. This does not mean that advanced dancers always enjoy dancing with partners far below their level. Often they don’t. Compensating and trying to understand other dancers with very little input is hard work. Limiting your own range of expression just to have a simple conversation is frustrating. This is why experienced dancers tend to be picky. Not because they are snobs. Not because they look down on less experienced people. But because the inequality of the situation is hardly ever in their favor. 

If dancing with a much better dancer gives you a better EXPERIENCE, does this mean that you automatically become a better dancer yourself? 

Many students choose to take private classes with teachers of the opposite role instead of going to group classes. Working with an experienced partner does indeed create the MOST OPTIMAL conditions for improving your skill. You can be sure that what you lead or how you follow is felt and understood by the other party without the “noise” of their own struggles. You know that ninety-nine percent of all mistakes will be your mistakes. And even if in social context we very much like the phrase “there are no mistakes, only pure improvisation”, in a study you need some established notions of what works and what doesn’t, what is comfortable and what is not, what is right and what is wrong. Taking regular private classes offers a “fast track” and can deliver very good results, but only on two conditions. First, your teacher must give you precise feedback (meaning, not compensate for your shortcomings) and second, YOU must make consistent efforts to improve. 

This way of learning also has a potential risk. The more you practice exclusively with a professional of the opposite role, the more you become accustomed to these perfect conditions. This can leave you feeling helpless with people of your real level. With your social partners you might feel like all your hard-learnt technique vanishes into thin air and this means that you are still very much dependent on the other person. If this is the case, do not despair. You are in your “conscious competence” phase and if you persevere, things will get better.

This is why I recommend starting to study tango by going to beginner classes, not directly with private classes. If you put a total beginner with a professional teacher, the beginner will feel that things work out well most of the time. Working exclusively with a private teacher might make you a very lonely social dancer. There is a risk of ending up with unrealistic expectations for both the people of your own level and the more advanced dancers. The first won’t satisfy you and the second won’t dance with you for some time. Therefore I advise beginners to take regular group classes and to practice with other beginners for at least a year. Even if it seems slower and more painstaking, it does achieve something very important: it teaches you to be patient. It shows you the importance of accepting the struggles of your partner and your own struggles as your partner reflects them back to you. It prepares you for the social context of tango by cultivating compassion.

We often so desperately want to do things right that we forget that we have to do them wrong many times and enjoy the process before we actually get anywhere. Learning together with other people of similar experience prepares you for the group dynamics and partner changing of social dancing in which nobody is perfect. It teaches you to finetune your skill despite other people’s problems. And there is also a tremendous sense of achievement in progressing TOGETHER with your partner when, after mutual struggles, things finally start working. Believe me, there is nothing quite like that feeling. If you ever studied a foreign language, think of trying to have a conversation with other language students. You all struggled and searched for words, yet how glorious it felt to be able to communicate!

Observing that certain people learn faster by dancing with more experienced dancers has led to a serious misunderstanding. Namely, that simply by having access to better dancers anybody will somehow automatically improve. This is not true. Dancing with a better dancer in a social setting will in most cases simply give you an enjoyable experience at their expense. You will not dance better until YOU intend to dance better and until you put some effort into it, with or without their help. If you find yourself chasing the better dancers without offering something in return, you are being a consumer, not an equal partner. If you demand that they dance with you because this is supposed to be the only way for you to improve, you are using it as an excuse to coerce them into dancing with you. 

In smaller communities the argument “how else are we supposed to learn?” is used to pressure advanced dancers to keep in touch with the beginners. Some efforts to mix the community and to create a more welcoming environment for the newcomers is definitely a good thing. However, I believe that we should be less hung up on our general (and incorrect) definition of levels and leave it to the individuals to choose with whom they feel or do not feel like dancing. We have to remember that someone’s appeal as a dancer is composed of several sliders on a mixing table and that people choose to connect with each other for very different reasons. We also have to respect the advanced dancers. They are a small, tough and very motivated minority and want, like everybody else, to dance to the best of their abilities.

All of the above poses another interesting question. If it’s true that we can improve while dancing with better dancers (provided we are making an effort), then is the reverse also true? Do better dancers become somehow less good when dancing too much with people far below their level? 

When professional leaders spend a lot of time teaching and dancing with inexperienced followers, they might develop “unhealthy” habits. These habits come from consciously or unconsciously compensating the students’ flaws and may result in “over-leading”, tension in the arms and forceful movement. When confronted with a partner of their own level, these leaders might put too much energy into leading movements for which an expert follower needs only very little input. Besides, with their students these leaders practice a simpler vocabulary than they are capable of, risking losing the finesse of more complex movements if they do not practice. The same can be said of professional followers who dance a lot with inexperienced leaders. When they have to follow someone of their own level again, they might feel overwhelmed with the complexity and the subtleties of the lead. Dancing with students does not make these followers less accomplished, but it does make them feel rusty. They might, like the leaders, lose the feeling of ease in dancing more complex dynamics, unless they dance or practice regularly with a partner of the same level.

If you spend a day in the forest chopping wood and then try to play the piano, your fingers will be stiff and insensitive at first. If you spend a day entertaining toddlers, to have a complex debate on international politics in the evening might require some mental readjustment. The same mechanism is at play here as everywhere else: the more you practice something the better you become, and the reverse is true as well. This is why advanced dancers from smaller communities in which they are a tiny minority (and often teachers), feel like their skill is deteriorating with time. They feel the need to travel on a regular basis to meet other advanced dancers just to feel complete, to feel like they can still truly dance. 

Whatever side of the equation you find yourself on, understand that it is never the other dancers that directly enhance or worsen your skills. What they do is provide you with a context, but YOU decide how to deal with it. You can choose to work on your dance with the help or despite your external conditions. This dance requires a lot of skill and a profound connection. If tango were a dance in which everybody just happily danced with everybody else regardless of all the variables I talked about, it would be a very different dance. It would never give us moments of such intense joy that its effect on our brain has been scientifically shown to equal that of meditation. We do pay a price for this intensity, for these moments of incredible connection, but the fact that this does not come easy to us for me is just one more reason to love it.

RUSSIAN, FRENCH, FINNISH, POLISH

July 19, 2017

Why we are told to dance with our hearts

One day a new student came for a private class and said to me: “You know, I have taken classes with all these wonderful teachers. I am a beginner, so of course I struggle, and I keep being told that I have to dance like a macho. But I am not a macho. I don’t want to be a macho. I really dislike machos. Does this mean I can never dance tango?”

In my years as a teacher I have heard many examples of students being profoundly marked by something a teacher said to them. These words stay with people for a long time. Some are revealing, consciousness-shifting experiences. Others can leave the student deeply confused, even traumatised. I believe it is important to understand how we convey dance with words, how we talk to our students and our dance partners, what terminology we use to give feedback, to correct and to inspire. Each body discipline has developed its own vocabulary, which does not only name the specific movements, but also reflects, on a deeper level, the discipline’s underlying philosophy. Tango is no exception. 

Let’s consider some of the body disciplines that tango people often exercise besides tango. If we analyse the fitness vocabulary, we will encounter what I would call a “fighter’s mindset”. The moves are called kicks, punches, crunches, pushups, the person is encouraged to overcome the body: to push, to destroy in order to rebuild, to go beyond its limits with power and determination, to focus on better results. Burn that booty! Crunch those abs! It works when it hurts! 

Yoga, on the other hand, reflects a very different philosophy. It has developed for many centuries as a spiritual practice so there we find a poetic reflection of life’s basic unity. There is a rich imagery full of animals: swans, cobras, dogs, cats, cows, but also warriors, babies, trees, the sun, the moon and so forth. When clarifying the poses, yoga teachers would invite their students to “grow roots into the earth”, “reach for the sky” and “open their hearts”. It is a practice directed at developing a profound conscious presence while doing physically demanding exercises.

Body practices such as Pilates, Floor Barre or Gyrotonics have a more neutral, to-the-point terminology. These disciplines were developed for professional dancers originally and are rooted in anatomical knowledge. A movement’s name is meant to convey how it is done: leg scissors, swimming, roll up, shoulder bridge. Gyrotonic is possibly the most poetic of the three, with nature-related names such as “dolphin” and “wave”. Teachers of these disciplines  talk to their students about “navel to spine”, “pelvis tuck” and “the spine lengthening”. This bodywork aims at creating a better alignment, more flexibility and a stronger, healthier body. 

Classical ballet talks to its students in French. If you do not speak French, ballet classes feel like a bizarre mystical cult, yet in itself ballet vocabulary is surprisingly straightforward. You will find knee bends, leg circles, kicks and jumps, plus some historical words, reminiscent of the French royal court: crowns, arabesques, curtsies. Modern and contemporary dance use a mix of classical and more recent dance vocabulary, depending on the style. In dance the mastery of movement serves artistic expression, so dance terminology is always a mix of biomechanics (push, stretch, extend, point) and expressive imagery (reach, grow, slide, caress, expand, explode).

Tango terminology reflects its philosophy as a couple dance based on a very close connection, but also its spontaneous development. Many of the tango moves we dance today originated in a misstep. The dancers would say “hey, that’s interesting”, elaborate it into a new move and give it a name that came to mind. Movement labelling in tango is both straightforward (walk, turns, embrace) as well as imagery-based (eight, halfmoon, hook, merry-go-round, a-thing-that-flies). The way teachers explain movement to the students reflect biomechanics but also the connection to the partner, or what I call the “human factor”. For biomechanics tango teachers often borrow terminology from other body disciplines, depending on personal experience. The connection, however, is something quite specific to tango. And this is where it becomes really tricky. The moment we start talking about the human factor, things become, well… personal.

It is one thing to learn what to do with different body parts and another thing to be told how to relate to another being. Human factor is the kind of information that allows you to move better and to sustain connection. It is, paradoxically, also a technique, meaning that it can be improved with effective guidance. Just like a dancer can be taught to stretch the leg, s/he can be taught to embrace with feeling, to be more present in the dance, to be giving and reactive. But these things are more difficult to explain than leg stretches, they are more subtle and the result of an INTENTION rather than a direct action. Therefore they demand an intention-based terminology. Tango has always struggled to find such terminology. These struggles gave us the well-known “dance with your heart” mantra, “dance as if no one is watching”, “abandon yourself to the lead” and “dance as if you were living a three-minutes long love story”. 

The problem with these kinds of statements is that they are too vague to give results but still feel like they make a point. They are prone to various interpretations, so people tend to believe they understand what they are being told or feel too ashamed to admit they do not. What exactly is not clear about “dancing with your heart”, right? Well, NOTHING is clear about that. It’s a poetic metaphor for showing your authentic self and making your partner feel that you love this dance, enjoy this music and appreciate him/her. See how many words I used to describe my interpretation of that metaphor? You might have understood it differently, however. For example, that dancing with your heart means thrusting your chest forward. Or, perhaps, to let the energy wash through your heart chakra. 

Another problem with human factor statements is that they are often implicitly judgemental. Dancers are told things such as “You cannot be insecure now! To dance tango you have to be sure of yourself!” or things like “You have to bring out your full femininity. Be sensual, be sexy. Show him you want him.” These statements bite harshly when said in a moment of vulnerability. Telling a leader who struggles to keep his balance “Get out there and be a man!” does not make him dance better, it shatters his self-confidence. Telling a tense, panicking woman who can’t get comfortable in the embrace to “be sexy” makes her want to go home and cry. 

Among the worst examples – in my opinion – are the ones that oppose one culture to another. Telling people that Argentinian men dance better because “they are not afraid to embrace a woman” achieves nothing except damaging the student’s already fragile self-esteem. Saying that “no woman embraces like a Russian woman” implies that women of other cultures can pack up their shoes. We should remember that each culture has its own attitude to physical touch, its own history of gender relations, its own notion of private space, resulting in behaviour that will influence how people dance and communicate. To dismiss these differences is both ignorant and disrespectful. Does this mean a person from one culture can never dance like a person from another culture? Possibly, yes. Does this mean this person cannot dance tango? No, that’s absurd.

Except for the cases in which a teacher or a dance partner enjoys feeling superior while making the other person feel diminished, the above statements are actually made with truly good intentions. They are an attempt to describe something that is very hard to describe: namely, a kind of a mental and body state that helps create a fulfilling dance. But because it is such a blurry domain, a lot of it is badly explained and frequently misunderstood. Yet we have to talk about it, to teach it, to practice it. Without human factor tango would not only be devoid of meaning, it would simply not work.

So, how to talk about human factor to another person without becoming vague and judgemental? 

If we look closer into what we actually are trying to say with things such as “be sure of yourself” or “bring out your sensuality”, we will realise that they describe the RESULT of an intention but are formulated as an instruction. And this is bound to confuse people. Feeling and showing self-confidence is the result of a prior process. No one has yet become confident or sensual just because s/he was told to do so. It’s like telling a depressed person to cheer up. So what we really need is to formulate the PROCESS of getting there in neutral and precise terms. Preferably, in movement-related terms. For this the teacher (or the dance partner who is giving advice) has to understand what it is exactly s/he is asking the other person to achieve by being “sure” or “sensual”. What is it for? Confidence could lead to more decisive movements or a more upright posture. Sensuality, in some cases, could mean softening the tension in the arms, in another case it could mean moving in a more grounded way. Find an intention or an action that serves that purpose and then, when seeing the result, tell the student or the dance partner: yes, this is what I mean. Now your movement feels sensual to me, it feels confident, I feel you are fully present. It will make the other person feel good both about the result AND their personal qualities. 

To the student from the beginning of the article I said approximately the following: “When teachers tell you to dance like a macho, what they are trying to say is that they would like you to be more determined in your every move. When you walk, walk with the intention to really go forward, as if you had a clear goal in mind. If you decide to do a move, finish it, even if you end up messing it up. Pick up from there and move on. Being determined in your mouvements does not make you into another person, it simply brings out the more determined version of yourself. Some people might call it “macho”, I call it being sure about what you are going to do. Anyone who tells you to become someone else in order to dance tango has not understood what tango is really all about. So yes, you can dance tango. We all can. But sometimes expressing our true self in dance is the most difficult and the most terrifying part of it all.”

GERMANRUSSIAN

February 1, 2017